Desperate Phillies Turn to Power of the Sun for Answers

Roy Halladay: Not amused by the sun’s antics. Steve Mitchell-US PRESSWIRE

Look at the sun up there.  Scorching the earth.  Hiding from us in the fall.  Abandoning us in the winter.  WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS.  Some kind of immortal space-god, giving us the warm embrace of life, then taking it away in place of the grip of grey, frozen death?

**shakes fist at sky**

CURSE YOU, ETERNAL SKY-BEING!

Science tells us that the sun is hot, and that one day, it will become so hot and large that it will engulf the earth, killing us all.  In this stage, it will be known as a “red giant,” which, we now know, isn’t just who was in the NLDS this year.  Of course, we will have several seconds to refer to it as such before we and everything we’ve ever known are burned off the face of existence.  The future!

However, until that time, we minute little insects of the universe have found a way to harvest the sun’s power, and turn it into energy.  And who better to take point on such a project than a baseball team with nothing left to play for?

That’s why the Phillies were included in a small collective of customers of Community Energy Solar at Kreider Farms in Lancaster, PA.  The event was meant to celebrate not just that arrogant sun, but the “Turn the Power On” initiative from Keystone Solar.  By flipping the switch on Tuesday, the company began a solar program designed to power 950 homes and negate the use of 4,200 tons of carbon dioxide.  Also the Phanatic was there to high-five and molest people.

The Phillies have been exceptionally kind to the environment, ever since the beginning of their “Red Goes Green” program in 2008.  These sort of highly honorable actions are what we’ve come to expect from the club, and should go a long way in buying them and hopefully us some appeasement from the merciless, spherical demon that lives above us, charting our every move.