Shane Victorino and His Million Words a Minute To Analyze Playoff Baseball For TBS This Week

Get ready for the human motormouth experience of

in your living rooms, America! Mandatory Credit: Gary A. Vasquez-US PRESSWIRE

Shane Victorino obviously doesn’t know what to with himself.

Living life without playoff baseball or the first time since 2006, it would seem Shane has a gaping hole in his baseball soul that can only be abated by appearing on television to analyze the baseball games in which he used to take part.

That’s why it was announced today that Victorino will appear as a guest analyst on TBS’ playoff baseball coverage this week.

Shane will be joined in-studio by Matt Winer, Dennis Eckersley and David Wells during Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday’s coverage, replacing injured Los Angeles Dodgers’ teammate Matt Kemp, who had to bail after undergoing shoulder surgery on Friday.

Usually a shoulder injury will keep a baseball player from playing in a baseball game, not analyzing one. However, Kemp must have assumed the maniacs at TBS were expecting him to take hacks in the batting cage while doing his analysis or would force him to do pushups.

Nonetheless, Victorino, now an unrestricted free agent for the first time in his career, will step in for his former teammate and break down all the action that he’s not allowed to partake in this year.

With Victorino in the fold this week, TBS also announced they will be utilizing running subtitles during the Victorino telecasts. This is to provide the viewer a handy translation for when Shane speaks at his typical 2340 word-per-minute pace. The closed captioning on your TV simply can’t keep up.

As for Shane, well, he’s pretty excited… even for Shane.

Of course, Shane would probably be more excited to actually be playing October baseball, instead of commenting on it and tweeting about it.

Victorino hit 269/.338/.446 with six home runs and 30 RBIs in 46 career postseason games, all as a Phillie. He went to two World Series with the team and, outside of Cole Hamels, was arguably the postseason MVP for the Phils in 2008.

Ah yes. One more please.

I want to re-live 2008. Please baseball genie, are you out there?

Unfortunately, both the Phils and Victorino have this October off. At least we’ll still be able to spend it together through the miracle of television.

So, come everyone. Let’s all sit by our TV’s and enjoy its warm glowing warming glow, as we try to decipher what exactly it is Shane Victorino tries to say over the next few days.