The Marlins are Simply Insufferable: Miami Wins 5-4 Behind Hanley Ramirez
By Editorial Staff
It is really hard to watch guys like Hanley Ramirez be good at stuff. Make no mistake, the guy is good at baseball. He is also good at poses after base hits, making up awful celebrations that make you want to throw crap at the television and apparently he is pretty damn good at hitting home runs off of Cole Hamels.
The Phillies offense has shown some life as of late and they staked Cole Hamels to a 3-0 lead after three innings. Cole looked like he was going to use his aceness to ace his way through the Miami Marlins; he had only surrendered two base-runners through three innings. He even made last months Joe Dimaggio impersonator Giancarlo Stanton look absolutely ridiculous. Then came Hanley. Hanley Ramirez has good lifetime numbers against Cole and proved it hitting a solo home run to center field in the top of the fourth. There was some dispute as to the veracity of the hit as a “fan” reached down and altered the trajectory of the ball. It was ruled a home run after some consultation with the video equipment. The Marlins added another run in the inning of a Justin Ruggiano RBI double. I never thought that I would be writing the name Ruggiano so much in my life. Cole escaped the inning with a one run lead, but later gave it back on a two run home run from Hanley. They did not have to review this one.
This was the point in the game where the Phillies forgot how to do stuff, letting Ricky Nolasco shut them down. They managed only two singles from the fourth inning to the eighth with both of them being erased shortly thereafter by double plays. Jimmy Rollins and Juan Pierre chased Nolasco with a triple and walk respectively. Jimmy scored on a Hunter Pence sac fly and Pierre moved to third on the play. Then, the Phillies nemesis reared its ugly head; their complete inability to drive in a runner from third with less that two outs. Carlos Ruiz and Ty Wigginton both struck out leaving Juan Pierre at third, thus making everyone watching the game swear simultaneously.
The Phils had a chance in the ninth off of Heath Bell. Placido Polanco singled and Freddy Galvis bunted and appeared to have avoided the tag of Logan Morrison, but was called out. Brian Schnieder and Jimmy Rollins popped out to end the game.
The moment that everything went wrong in this one was the second Hanley Ramirez home run. He is a really good baseball player and a giant asshole.
The most attractive play in this one was Chooch’s play on a Chris Coghlan bunt in the second inning. This is the first game is forever that Chooch has not gotten a hit, but the guy can still play some defense.
The hero of the game for the Phillies was Juan Pierre. He didn’t really do anything that astonishing, but he was on base 3 out of his 4 times at bat.
The villain of the game was Hanley Ramirez. He hit two home runs, drove in three runs and did that stupid contrived high five celebration with Jose Reyes. He makes me want to throw my television out the window. He sucks, but not in the way that makes me want him to play for the Phillies type of sucks. More in the I hope the ball hits him in the groin type of sucks.
Joe Blanton attempts to not be awful in the rubber game and is opposed by Carlos Zambrano. Water coolers beware.