Why David Wright May Be Evil Incarnate


We’ve known for a long time that David Wright was a sinister human being.

First of all, he plays for the New York Mets. That’s bad enough.

Second, he’s always killed the Phillies (.282/.356/.509 for an OPS of .865), having hit 24 career home runs against them, second most against any club (he has 28 against Atlanta pitching).

Third, he looks like the kind of guy who would totally park in a handicapped spot at a restaurant or something. I mean, his face has “smug” written all over it.

However, over the last couple months, I’ve been trying to put all that stuff aside, as I thought it might be possible the Phils could either trade for the third baseman, or sign him as a free agent if the Mets didn’t pick up his option for 2013. And, given his salary and his play over the last couple years, it seemed at least 50/50 that they wouldn’t.

But, once again, David Wright has proved he is one of the devil’s handmaidens.

How, you may ask? By becoming the best hitter in the National League all of a sudden, that’s how.

David Wright’s ridiculous start to the 2012 season makes it absolutely impossible that New York will trade him to the Phillies. The price tag is just going to be way too high, especially for a division rival.

I don’t think the old “Dom Brown as trade bait” thing is going to work this time.

Wright’s offensive explosion makes him too rich for the Phils’ blood. And, with the Mets in contention so far this season, they have no reason to trade him anyway.

Of course, that will all change by the time July 31 rolls around. The Mets will be out of the race, and will probably at least test the waters to see what they can get for the most evil player in Major League Baseball.

One of those teams will not be the Phillies.

As for any team looking to acquire David Wright, remember a few things.

1) His tears make little children cry. 2) He likes to punch people that come from other countries. 3) He likes Coldplay. 4) TGI Friday’s is his favorite restaurant. 5) He sleeps on a bed made entirely out of $50 bills.

These are just a few reasons to hate David Wright. Well, perhaps there’s one more.

He’s too darn good at being a baseball player.

So, thank you David Wright. You’ve screwed us again. I hope you enjoy warm weather, pitchforks, and ragged clothing.

And by the way, continued success.