Baseball World Rocked as Roy Halladay Selected as Phillies Opening Day Starter


It’s not all Ruben Amarisms and devastating injuries at Phillies training camp this year!  Why, some of the players even still have all of their limbs.  One of those players is Roy Halladay, who is being so polite about watching his team crumble around him that it’s almost as if they aren’t telling him all of the things that are happening.

But what are the odds the Phillies are keeping their ace starter in a Truman Show-esque bubble, devoid of all misery and sadness in order to keep him operating in a completely optimistic setting?  Probably pretty high.  Though that’s not to say it isn’t the way most of us go about our lives, so who are we to judge?  Shut up, all of you.  Thanks.

Doc seems totally fine, now that the Phillies have had Ken Rosenthal erased from the pages of history.  The Phillies were apparently weighing their options when it comes to their Opening Day starter, but the long and arduous process of deciding Roy Halladay should be it has finally come to a close.

Meanwhile, the stress and pressure and constant screaming of the Phillies home opener have been placed on Cole Hamels, who, as Rich Dubee explained, “…has had more experience,” and has played in both the World Series and in front of a giant flag.

"“He’s pitched in the World Series. The big [American] flag is out there.”–Rich Dubee"

Dubee went on to explain why the size of the flag was important, but unfortunately, that information was not recorded by anyone.  We are left to assume that Rich Dubee know something about flags that we don’t.  Which seems impossible.

The better reason is of course that starting Hamels at that point will split the lefties in the rotation, but let’s not kid ourselves.  That is one irrationally large flag out there.  That’d be enough to overwhelm anybody, especially a guy whose spent the majority of his career playing in Canada.  Understandably, that unimaginable task has been placed on Cole.

So you see, as long as we focus on the rotation, this team is totally fine.  And I say that as a perfectly rational human adult who refuses to acknowledge certain things have happened to a baseball team.