Reading Phillies Invite Fans to Partake in Weird Mystery Thing
By Justin Klugh
The Phillies Double-A affiliate has invoked its share of quirky marketing techniques, but never before have they instituted a Westing Game-esque puzzle for all fans to partake in. However, the team’s site is now saying that, And, like The Westing Game, this initially light and enjoyable event will snowball into betrayal, secret identities, and catastrophic familial meltdowns.
They can’t stop what they’ve started. So the best we can do is figure this thing out as fast as possible, before our unsettlingly strong traitorous instincts kick in, and we’re bashing each other’s heads and using cartoonish torture techniques to interrogate anyone believed to be close to an answer.
If you think this situation is disturbing, wait until you hear the riddle itself.
"“What has six legs, four arms, three heads, and sounds like this?”"
Remember, the answer is “something to do with the upcoming 2012 season.” Given that this is the Reading Phillies we’re talking about, I would assume the answer is some kind of mascot band. However, the R-Phils have now presented us with information insinuating that they plan on unleashing an enormous insect on First Energy Stadium.
Oh, that reminds me; you can’t listen to the sound mentioned in the riddle from here, so I’ll just describe it to you: Ever hear a giant centipede swiftly skittering over a massive pile of human skulls?
Though I suppose that, since the answering the riddle correctly doesn’t win you a dementia-riddled millionaire’s last will and testament, no one will be forced to lose sleep or their lives trying to figure it out. The site merely asks that you return on January 3 to see if the answer you came up with was the right one.
And that’s it. Then we can leave this horrible story behind us, once and for all; and let us ignore the trail of shattered lives and traumatized loved ones that got us to this horrendous mindfuck’s conclusion.