Lenny Dykstra Completes Comeback Story of the Decade

"“When a man loses everything, he is capable of anything.”"

That sounds like the movie poster for The Punisher, and I’m almost positive that it actually was.  And if it wasn’t, then it has appeared on at least 50 other ones in the history of American cinema under/above a grizzled leading man holding a high powered rifle and imagining the laughter of his children before they were fed to sharks by Eric Roberts.

But in reality, where a man’s children are often safe from Eric Roberts, things like this are not often said.  Unless you are Lenny Dykstra’s business manager, obviously, then you can say it whatever you want because you’ll have endless reasons to.

He also said this.

"“The events that transpired with Lenny’s state case just prove his theory that truly the comeback is possible.”–David Herman"

It sure is.  You know who else told a great comeback story?  Rudy.  That dwarf proved that Notre Dame football used to have honor, respect, and win occasionally.  And he did it by overcoming terrific odds–living with a janitor, whoring out his friend, and pretending to be literate.

The difference between Rudy and Lenny Dykstra is that Lenny Dykstra’s circumstances were created not by the relentless curses of the gods, but by the relentless mistakes of Lenny Dykstra.

But, you know, we’re all aware of that.  I’m sure David Herman is.  I’m sure Lenny Dykstra is.  No I’m not.  But it’s still pretty common.  I won’t sit here and list all of the things he’s done wrong–the human growth hormones, the ecstasy, hooker, the car theft apparently, the financial stuff that’s way less funny–but I will sit here and tell you that he is totally free!

Until January 20, when his sentencing will be revealed.  Until then, he will be “…focusing on [his] federal charges.”

You know what?  He’s kind of the anti-Rudy.