Joe Blanton Took “Oregon Trail” Approach to Elbow Injury


Somewhere between a computer game made in the ’70s and reality, medical science took some amazing leaps forward.  So when we see methods of healing used by baseball players that are for the most part sequestered in the annals of transient American history, it’s eye opening.  Or it’s strange.  Or it’s a blog post in the offseason.

Everybody remembers how Joe Blanton pitched a few times, made everybody cringe, then went away for a little while, and then came back and wasn’t great, again.  It’s called The Joe Blanton Story and we’re having a hard time selling the treatment to Hollywood because it is a story with no point.

The reason that any of this happened was Joe’s elbow started doing… something.  Whatever it was, his remedy was to go to sleep.

"“It gradually kept getting worse and worse and I tried to rest it. It didn’t get better, then I rested it some more and it still didn’t get better again.”–Joe Blanton"

Ah yes.  Remember those days, just outside of Fort Laramie when Stacy Lou would get stricken with dysentery or an accidental gunshot wound or parasites?  And maybe you would have had the option of applying some sort of 19th century medical technique like rubbing flowers on her, but you traded all your flowers for bullets, one of which is possibly inside of Stacy Lou.

So your only option was to rest.  As the other wagons rolled on, you and Stacy Lou and whoever else survived the Very Steep Hill from several minutes ago were forced to rest until that horrible disease or completely avoidable accident ran its course.

Then, and only then, would you be free to continue to Oregon and the luscious, wide open landscape it promised.  Or in Joe’s case, you could go back to playing Major League Baseball.

Joe finished a stint in an instructional league not too long ago, and when asked about the status of his elbow, he unloaded his new plan on the media.

"“I’m just going to give it a rest.”–Joe Blanton"

You know what?  Parasites is from Amazon Trail.  Sorry.