"“I’m not telling you where it was — it might have been his shoelaces.”–Rich Dubee"
Rich Dubee went into lockdown mode after discovering Antonio Bastardo has been tipping his pitches. Immediately after the second hit he gave up in some game we lost, Dubee sprung into action, immediately smothering the life out of all others who witnessed the tell and breaking into the video booth, where he tore all recording equipment out of the wall and beat up Video Dan Stephenson for very politely asking what he was doing.
Then Rich proceeded down to the press corps, where he was met by a wall of questions regarding the egregious error of the Phillies’ sole lefty reliever, at which point he replied with the above quote.
Nothing gets through a Rich Dubee Lockdown. Not curious reporters, not wayward butterflies, not the cries for mercy from Video Dan Stephenson. Nothing.
Fortunately, Bastardo himself was available for questioning.
"“But we found out because of that, because I was pushing my finger up top, straight… and it didn’t let me give it the right rotation I want on a slider. It’s easier for the hitter because I show something that I’m going to throw.”–Antonio Bastardo"
So. No we’ve cleared all that up. And we can all look forward to a good old fashioned smothering at the hands of Rich Dubee, very very soon. Probably sooner than you think. Just don’t turn around. Or maybe you don’t want to delay the inevitable. I don’t know, I can’t make these decisions for you.
Look, now we all know the secret behind Bastardo’s recent crappenings, and we can conclude some things.
- Bastardo better be flawless in his next appearance.
- If he isn’t, then the situation is hopeless and just fuck everything.
- Rich Dubee had a little chat with his lefty to discuss the merits of discretion with the press in the wake of a mysterious spree of smotherings.
- Somebody should send the Stephensons a fruit basket. Though honestly, this can’t be the first time Rich Dubee has attacked one of their family members for whatever reason.