Phillies Dispel Rumors of Weak Farm System by Signing Another Guy


Let me ask you this, fancy-shmancy writer for some website where the margins are all even and the layout is pristine.  If the Phillies farm system is so shattered then why do we keep putting guys in it.  Hmm?  Guys.

You don’t have an answer, do you?  And don’t tell me it’s because the question makes no sense.

Well, the Phillies just inked Pizarro, and he wiped out the entire Inca population hundreds of years ago.  Does any other Major League team’s farm system have a world-destroying explorer in it?  Let me answer that for you, since your face seems to indicate you don’t know what’s going on:

Fuck no.

All right then.

Its being brought to my attention, by myself, as I read the article I just linked you to for the first time, that the Pizarro in question is not the ghost of Marquess Francisco Pizarro, former Governor of New Castle, so don’t go spreading what I just told you around as if it’s fact or based at all in reality.

Its actually Chabriel Pizarro from Wabash Valley College.  He’s a catcher and an outfielder from Louisiana.  He hit .360.  He’s probably never even met one of the Incas; probably because the other Pizarro killed them all.

In case you were wondering what his skills looked like set to a Queen song you’ve heard a million times:

So, aesthetically pleasing website–does Queen even hand over the rights to their music to a shitty player?

Yeah.  Thought so.