Draft Pick Larry Greene Signed; Becomes Instant Trade Bait


The Phillies have a long history of drafting young talent from the bouncing green hills of the surrounding Philadelphia countryside.  For instance, last year’s Jesse Biddle.  And others.

This year, however, they snatched a 6′ 5″ giant  named Larry Greene from Georgia, which we can only assume is a slight to the Braves.  MLB analysts said Larry was “The best high school power in the draft” and that he has “experience emotion,” two things that will play very well in Philadelphia.  

So frequently do I speak of things on this blog without having any actual experience in them, but I can tell you that hitting for power in high school baseball is extremely difficult.  My single season platooning in right field with four other awkwardly-shaped “athletes” was enough for me to realize that it takes a special talent to hit home runs even at such a low level in the grand scheme of baseball.  The guys that do also have the hot girlfriend and the parents who let him swear in public, so congratulation to Larry for having those things, too, possibly.

The Phils locked up Larry with a cool $1 million bonus, which is an amount of money that if I were shown at the age of 18, I would have probably panicked and bought a truck full of Xboxes.  But that’s not the kind of poise that got Larry to where he is–standing on a stage wearing a Phillies hat, shaking people’s hands, and being carefully assimilated into Ruben Amaro’s Ultimate Sinister Plan That Will Inevitably Lead to Eternal Victory.

I’m sure Larry is looking forward to a Phillies career of being drooled over in Phillies blogs, anticipated as a hero and savior, and being eventually traded for a five-hole hitter and/or ace before ever setting foot on the dirt at Citizens Bank Park.