Giants Avoid Sweep, Enrage Phanatic


He knows something is wrong.  Trash cans lay overturned, rat carcasses strewn about his lair.  He makes eye contact with an old television adjacent to his home; Keppinger fields a Jimmy Rollins grounder clumbsily and throws out the shortstop at first base.

Jesus is acknowledged, arms crossed in a Giants victory.  The television is promptly destroyed and a low rumbling emanates from the catacombs beneath Citizen’s Bank Park.  The barely audible sounds of a hot dog cannon being loaded coupled with the faint whispers of giant box of pop corn being prepared.  Inconsolable, he mounts his four wheeler, barely sane after today’s loss.  He isn’t there.  His attempts at effecting the game from across the country fall short.

“What the fuck is that?!” a visibly drunk Tommy Lasorda mutters as he is jolted by a sort of terrible premonition.  The Phillies are on their way to Los Angeles and Lasorda can feel that the Phanatic has been wronged.  “I hate that bastard,” Lasorda mutters as he recounts in horror what the Phanatic did to Broxton last August.

Brian Wilson and Tim Lincecum got off easy today.  No whammy, no belly rolling and no green presence in the stands.  The Giants bested the Phillies today 3-1 behind a dominant Licecum and a scrappy offense that never really looks like they should be scoring runs off of a major league pitcher.  Roy Oswalt made his return from the disabled list and looked a touch rusty.  His fastball reached 92 on the radar gun and he escaped a bunch of trouble, but in the end, the Giants were able to push across enough offense to down the right hander.

Brian Wilson pitched a scoreless ninth to earn his 33rd save as the Phils fell for the first time since acquiring Hunter Pence.  Pence failed to keep his Phillies hit streak alive going 0-4 and Ryan Howard had another tough day at the plate going 0-4 with three strikeouts.

If it happens, he will be ready.  Red tongue flicks out, searching, finding.  God knows how he knows, but he does.  If they come in October, he will be ready.