Cram It Florida
By Editorial Staff
What is located in Florida that actually justifies its existence? Jeb Bush? Don Shula? Disney world? The Steinbrenners? Would you really care if Florida broke off and floated out to sea to become part of Cuba? The Phillies played a doubleheader against the baseball representative of a crappy state and responded by kicking them directly in the nuts. Twice.
Game one seemed to exist in bizarro world. Kyle Kendrick pitched seven innings of one run ball and Wilson Valdez came up with a bases loaded triple one his way to a 2-3 day with three RBIs. To reiterate, crappy pitcher throws great and crappy hitter smacks the crap out of the ball. To let you know that all is right with the universe, Ryan Howard hit an RBI double and Jimmy Rollins went 2-5 with four RBI. If the universe it not all screwed up, why is there an opportunity for Jeff Francoeur to make the all star team? What the fuck?
The Phillies jumped all over a rookie pitcher making his first major league start. Elih Villanueva spells his name funny and got absolutely pounded. He made it through three innings and allowed eight runs. He was immediately sent back to triple AAA following the game with the knowledge that he now carries a major league ERA of 24.00. Remember earlier this year when bad pitchers looked good against this team? It sort of looks like those days might be over. The Phillies blew out the Marlins 8-1.
Game two again seemed to exist in an alternate universe. Anibal Sanchez pitched better than Roy Halladay. I maintain that fact is more than enough to prove that this one was a little strange. Doc gave up two first inning runs and allowed another two runs on a bloop single from John Buck in the fourth. Much like every single time that Doc doesn’t pitch well, it looked like Halladay was being squeezed by home plate umpire Jim Wolf. Wolf will undoubtedly have his face melted off by a murderous, revenge seeking cyborg attempting to avenge its baseball throwing brethren. Roy settled down later in the game and bad assed his way through seven innings, didn’t walk anyone and struck out eight batters. Bad Halladay is still pretty damn good.
Leo Nunez came into the game in the ninth inning leading the league in saves with a 4-2 lead. To provide some background here, Leo Nunez has just returned from a eight day layoff with back stiffness. The native of the Dominican Republic may be twenty seven, but he still resembles a skinning fifteen year old. This being said, the right hander has been successful against the Phillies. In twenty appearnences, Nunez had a 2.28 ERA and held the team to a .228 batting average. Today, the Phillies tagged Nunez for three hits and two runs in his one inning of work giving him a blown save and making him wish that he was still on the bench with a stiff back. The score was tied 4-4 sending the game to extra innings.
The Marlins got Mike Dunn in the Dan Uggla trade this past off season. He is left handed and throws in the mid nineties. He entered the game after Ryan Madson walked a tightrope in the top of the inning, but escaped unscathed. Dunn is a lucky man. He started his inning by hitting Ryan Howard in the arm and it appeared that Ryan Howard was going to tear the reliever’s head off. Imagine hitting a Rhino with a baseball hard enough to upset said large animal. That is what this baseball play looked like in the bottom of the tenth. Dunn followed his near destruction by getting Placido Polanco to fly out and striking out Raul Ibanez. Dom Brown worked a walk with the specific intention of giving Chooch the chance to be the hero…….again. Chooch lined a base hit into center scoring Howard and winning the game 5-4.
Go screw Florida.
Tomorrow, the Phillies only play one game. Javier Vasquez and Cliff Lee take the respective mounds in a 1:05 afternoon game. The Phillies go for the sweep against a pitcher with a 7.09 ERA and a 3-6 record. The question is how he won three games.