Colon Eats Pie, Opposes Hamels in Grapefruit Opener


It seems that another, considerably more corpulent version of Bartolo Colon has eaten the former Cy-Young award winner and continues to masquerade as the former Angels ace. Not only is Colon fighting with obesity, but also for a roster spot with the Yankees. The 27 time champs have cultivated quite a roster of fat-asses. The aforementioned Colon, C.C. Sabathia (25 minus 300 is still fat), Andrew Jones, Freddy Garcia and Joba Chamberlain look like they would be banned from a Pizza Hut buffet. The pre-game ceremonies memorialized iconic Yankees owner George Steinbrenner.  Steinbrenner was a tremendous pain in the ass, but he set the template in place for the Yankees to have the highest payroll in baseball.  He also hired a private investigator to attempt to find dirt to sully the reputation of former Yankee Dave Winfield, earning an extended ban from the sport.  Funny that none of this came up during the memorial.

Colon made the grapefruit league start for the Yanks, going two innings, managing not to pass out, and giving up one earned run, two hits and one walk. He was opposed by ace number four of the Phillies staff; Cole Hamels. Hamels went two innings, gave up one unearned run, one hit and walked one. It still makes me smile that the Yankees are trotting out the likes of Freddy Garcia, Bartolo Colon and Ivan Nova for their starting rotation while the Phillies have four aces including the guy the Yankees really wanted in free agency this offseason. Burn.
The Phils took a 3-1 lead when Pete Orr and Ross Gload clubbed RBI singles off of Yankees minor league pitcher of the year David Phelps.

The Yankees cut the deficit to 3-2 when Mark Texiera tripled off of random left handed pitcher Ryan Feierabend and took the lead on Jorge Vasquez’s two run bomb off of Ryan Schlitter.  The Phils climbed back in front on a bases loaded bloop two run single by Dane Sardinha off a pitcher who’s name I can not even begin to pronounce, Brian Wordekemper.

Schlitter was charged with a blown save and a win with Grilli snuffing a ninth inning rally to notch the save.  Wordekemper took the loss and was chained to Colon while donning a metal bikini like princess Leia in Star Wars.  The final was 5-4 Phils.

You may be asking yourselves, “Selves, where the hell is the information about the starting middle infielders?  You already told me about Pete Orr.”  Jimmy Rollins was slated to start, but was scratched because his flight was delayed in returning from hanging out the president, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is really freaking cool. Utley missed his second straight game with “general soreness.”  The entire Delaware valley is holding its collective breath.

A win against the Yankees is a win against the Yankees.  Next up. Joe Blanton opposes Ivan Nova tomorrow at 1:05 P.M.