Phillies Looking for Pine Enthusiasts for Riding Duty


As we learn in childhood, sitting on the bench is most of, if not all of, the game of baseball.  You’re performing the team a great service by sitting there, not getting involved.  The other guys know it, and the coaches know it.  It’s why they keep feeding it to you.

The Phillies bench, however, must be full of more than delusional 10-year-olds convinced they are a part of something.  This early on, we can safely assume that Ross Gload, Brian Schneider, and probably Wilson Valdez will return to the increasingly utilized back up roles.

That leaves space, however, so who else could be stepping in?

Domonic Brown, OF

Or he’s going to be a starter or he’s going to start half the time or just against lefties or he’ll go back to the minors.  Whatever.

Matt Rizzotti, DH?

Rizzo didn’t get a nod until today when I read this thing on his chances of actually making the team as something more than a National League DH.  Was it sensationalism of his chances just to stir up a mid-winter column?  Geh.  But there was a picture of him standing between Chase and Ryan’s lockers, so, you know.  That’s got to mean something other than a pretty okay photo-op.

It’s got to.

Brian Bocock, IF

Before being swept to the curb like common driveway filth, Juan Uribe once hit the home run that eventually won the Giants the 2010 NLCS.  How did he get there?  Who cares.  The point is, when he did, the Giants had to slide a young, extremely unoffensive shortstop off their roster to make room for him.  That shortstop was Brian Bocock.  So do I blame Brian for indirectly losing us a game that he was in all likelihood many miles away from?  Of course I do.  I blame everybody.  You should hear my theories on why it’s the Pope’s fault; and if you’re on the Broad Street line after we lose to the Giants this year, you will.

John Mayberry Jr., OF

Human pencil John Mayberry Jr. is from the same high school as David Cone.  So that’s worth mentioning, sort of.  This one guy is convinced that the right field issue is a hopeless quagmire and we’re all doomed and you might as well just drink the punch now because what if someone un-good has to play it, especially John Mayberry Jr., who isn’t really that un-good, but did suck at Triple-A this year.  He is hurt, however, and may not be ready to prove that blog wrong by the time the season is actually starting.

Freddy Galvis, SS

I guess we’ve only really been hearing his name because of the chance that J-Roll is entering his last contractual year in red pinstripes.  Freddy is a shortstop, and the highest ranking one we have.  He doesn’t hit very well, but he lets his glove do the talking.  Though quite often it’s words are unintelligible, as it’s mouth is full of baseballs from all the defense Freddy’s doing.

Pete Orr, IF/OF

Canadian baseball legend Pete Orr was invited to Spring Training because he can play every position except pitcher, which maybe he can play, because I didn’t really check.  He’s a backup for everyone, and assuming everyone doesn’t scream and die at once (totally possible), he’s there for us, like a mattress that once lost the World Baseball Classic.

Brandon Moss, OF

The number of people who could play right field for the Phillies this year may reach the thousands, if things don’t go according to plan, whatever the plan is.  Moss could be one of them if he plays his cards and/or baseball right.  Not likely.