The Phillies Have to Something Something Kyle Kendrick or Something


You forgot about Kyle Kendrick, didn’t you?

Oh sure, you were all ears when he had that weird wedding with dogs in the bridal party.  But when it came down to his actual tenure with the Phillies, you were all, “Meeehhh let’s just focus on some kind of crazy Cliff Lee thing.”

Well, time’s up.  Almost.  11:59 tonight, KK is or is not being re-grabbed by the Phillies.  “Who cares?!” we’re all shouting.  “We’ve got H20 in the rotation! You could put your Thanksgiving leftovers in that fifth spot and no one could tell the difference.”

Hey… that’s mean.

All I really know is that Kyle gives up a lot of runs, the best play could find of him to illustrate his success was a miscue by Wilson Valdez, and he kind of looks like my old roommate.  I also think I once took a contemporary theater class with Chad Durbin.  I cast him in a role as a guy who kills his employee with a golf club.  He was pretty good.

My point is that in another one of those hilarious baseballian twists, Kyle Kendrick and his 4.73 ERA will be definitely given more money somehow in 2011.  Like buying a Drano bottle with “BOOZE” written on the side from your brother’s high school friends, forking over the cash doesn’t feel all that right here.

On the one hand, being Roy Halladay’s workout partner didn’t help Kyle Kendrick become Roy Halladay.  On the other, management considered leaving him off the post season roster.  And then they did.

So yeah, that’s basically the same hand.  But the Phillies could believe in Kendrick’s talent, or development, or maybe he holds the location to some awesome treasure.  No matter what, they’ve put their time in with him, so harvesting a brand new five-holer could be more trouble than it worth, especially if they can non-tender him Kyle and get him on the cheap.

Or we could just hold him down and convince him to tell us where the treasure is by hitting him; which was also an effective strategy employed by my older brother’s high school friends.