Almost Nothing Happens in Phillies Win


Wandering around the city yesterday, I kept up to date on the Phils game by peering in shop and bar windows in between stops.

I leered in the window, squinting and bobbing my head around the sign painted on the window.  A couple just inside were convsering on a couch and the woman saw me stalking her out of the corner of her eye.  She turned to her man friend and clearly mouthed “There’s a guy out there.”

I pretended to ignore their suspicions, but when you are being silently accused of creepery, it is hard to not look more and more like a creep, especially when I began winking at her asking what they were eating because it looked delici–OH SHIT DID HE MISS THE TAG NO WAIT HE GOT HIM YEAH YEAH YEAH.

Phillies 1, Nationals 0

I realize now that in a lot of these descriptions of my life, I just sound like a homeless serial killer.

Jesus, baseball is boring.

Last night’s game was all but comatose, with several key blips on the EKG keeping everybody awake. Raul Ibanez sprinkled a run in the third.  Roy Halladay thundered his way out of several jams.  Chase Utley had a critical tag on Ian Desmond as he skipped right past second base.  Brad Lidge struck out a stegosaurus to win the game.

With not a lot happening in the Phillies game, at least not enough for me to fill up this text box with mindless complaints (ONLY 5 STRIKEOUTS, DOC?!  AAARRRRGGGH UNACCEPTABLE!!), we lift up the rock and take a peak down in the minors, where Ryan Howard is busy trying to slug his way out of an ankle injury.

Meet Chad James.

Chad attended the University of Arkansas and Yukon High School in Oklahoma.  Scouts are having a hard time deciding whether he’s got a wicked change up and a pissy curve or vice versa.  He’s “projectable.”  He’s “solid.”  He is not a christian music singer who was “apprehended” by Jesus.

And it was Chad was piecing together a no-hit bid for the visiting Greensboro Grasshoppers against the Lakewood BlueClaws, when suddenly, after facing mostly single-A batters the whole game, watched Major League Baseball Player Ryan Howard stroll to the plate and slap a double across his face (he also walked and grounded out earlier), ruining everything.

As we finish shrugging in that “A win’s a win” way that one does after a 1-0 victory, we look ahead to the clouded horizon at what lies ahead of us.  W… wait.  What is that?  Looks like a… dominating arm, capable ripping through impatient lineups like melted cheese.  Its getting closer… what do we do?!  Oh god.  I didn’t sign up for this.  I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS.  GAME OVER, MAN.  GAME OVER. No, I’m out.  It’s over.  I’m not going to be a part of this.

Stephen Strasburg vs. the Phillies begins tonight, 7:05.

Chuck, once again, said it best.

"“I don’t want him to beat us. I want us to beat him.”  –Chuck"

Not even Stephen Strasburg can stop TBOH on Twitter! Because we are not an opposing batter, just a blog.

Images courtesy of Bullpen Banter,, and