The Phillies Stink, Check Out The Minors

Right now the Phillies are about as entertaining as watching turds spin in your toilet  bowl. If you still want to see baseball but just can’t bring yourself to pay to see a loaded outfield of Delmon Young, John Mayberry Jr., and Laynce Nix, do not fret.

There is no better time to go check out one of the Phillies minor league affiliates. The records of most of the affiliates are also terrible, but whatever it is minor league baseball!

Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs (59-57, 3.5 GB)

The Piggies, as the locals call them, actually, I have no idea if that is true,  are on the road until August 14th. When they return home they will start a three game series against the Syracuse Chiefs. The first game of the series is slated to be “Renew Your Vows” night. Has your wife been nagging you about watching to many games on television? Or only being able to talk about sports? Well, come to Coca-Cola Park and re-commit to her.  Nothing says romance like minor league baseball.

There are also fireworks on the 16th, you know, if you are into fireworks.

Reading Fightin’ Phils (48-64, 21.5 GB)

One of the reasons minor league baseball is amazing is because of the hilarious giveaways. On August 13th, the Fightin’ Phils will be giving away a Carlos Ruiz “Chooching” Garden Gnomes. If their parent club had giveaways like this, maybe people would show up to Citizen’s Bank Park.

If a chooching gnome isn’t enticing enough, Maikel Franco and Jesse Biddle also play for the Fightin’ Phils.

Lakewood Blueclaws (18-25, 10.5 GB)

 If you are a single guy, you should probably clear your schedule. August 8th all fans receive a Dom Bomb t-shirt AND it is ladies night complete with a shoe fashion show. If Sid Phillips were still around he would be shouting, “Alright, double prizes!” Chicks dig guys who wear long ball t-shirts. and with all the single ladies around, you might be able to find your one true love. Just don’t take her home and try to melt her with a magnifying glass.