Cards On The Table: Right Guy, Wrong Time

I used to think the darkest days of the Phillies since I started following them was the period between 1984 and 1990.

I was very, very wrong.

The entire decade of the ’90s, other than 1993’s odd flash-in-pan miracle season, was far more ghastly.

Those ’90s teams had it all; minor league players who couldn’t hit a 3-1 fastball if it was slowed down to half-speed, veterans who wanted no part of the organization (Rolen, Schilling), and middling-to-horrible starting rotations and bullpens that even the Kansas City Royals would laugh at today.

But what made the 1990s extra special was the reek of desperation emanating from the general manager’s office.

I say desperation because of the unusual trend in the ’90s of the Phils’ brass signing players who were once stars but whose games had long since left their aging bodies. Players trying to recapture their glory days in red pinstripes, only to pee their pants once they arrived in Philadelphia.

In other words, the Phillies specialized in grabbing players 5-10 years past their usefulness.

And they had a very special talent for knowing exactly who was cooked.

I’d call it more of a gift, actually.

Dale Murphy 1990-’92

Dale Murphy 1991 Topps Stadium Club (one of the best designed cards of the 1990s)

Dale Murphy was one of the premier sluggers of the 1980s, winning two MVP awards with the Atlanta Braves and routinely challenging Mike Schmidt for the NL home run crown.

I stress 1980s.

Once the ’90s rolled around, the humble Mormon’s game had completely abandoned him, which made him just a perfect fit for the Phils.

Murphy was released shortly before the NL championship season of 1993. But for parts of three years in Philadelphia, Murphy depressed us all with his slogging gait in the outfield and his slider-speed bat at the plate.

Fernando Valenzuela 1994

Fernando Valenzuela 1995 Upper Deck

Fernandomania invaded Philadelphia about seven years too late, long after his ability to pitch in the Major Leagues had left him.

In fact, his pitching was so mediocre that the good people at Upper Deck couldn’t even be bothered to show him doing his day job in his 1995 card.

You know, actually pitching a baseball. Although, it does look like he got a hold of that one.

Fernando finished in the top five of the Cy Young voting in four of his first six years, but his body eventually broke down, probably due to his rotundness, rendering him utterly useless for our purposes. Which, once again, meant he was perfect for the Phillies of the mid-’90s.

Andy Van Slyke 1995

Andy Van Slyke 1996 Topps Stadium Club

The Phils were somehow able to outbid every other Major League team for the services of Andy Van Slyke, whose game had abandoned him only two years earlier.

Hey, that’s actually a pretty brief time period for the 1990s Phillies! Usually they’d wait until a player was five to seven years past their prime before acquiring them.

It’s called bargain shopping, people.

Van Slyke had a great six-year stretch from 1988-’93, when he was one of the top center fielders in the game and part of that tremendously talented Pittsburgh Pirates squad that won three straight NL East titles in the early ’90s.

Of course, by the time he reached Philadelphia, he’d become a slightly more quotable version of Ricky Otero. The Phils were the last team he would ever play for, retiring from the game after just 63 games with the Phillies after the 1995 season.

Sid Fernandez 1995-’96

Sid Fernandez 1996 Topps

Not only were these players in the ’90s horrible, the card designs were pretty awful, too. Dude, Topps, what were you thinking, here?

Anyway, it’s pretty clear what the Phils’ strategy was during this time period. Acquire as many fat pitchers as humanly possible.

Fernandez was a very effective starter for the Mets during the 1980s, and had a career revival in ’92 with New York. But by the time he reached Philadelphia in ’95, he was an overweight 32-year-old pitcher running on fumes.

Fernandez actually performed pretty well for the Phils when he was healthy. The problem is that he was rarely healthy, starting only 11 games for the Phillies in both ’95 and ’96.

It’s all about timing, people.

Danny Tartabull 1997

Danny Tartabull 1998 Pacific

Until today, I had no idea there was a baseball card company called Pacific. You live and learn.

In what was certainly one of the three worst free agent signing in Phillies history, Tartabull’s arrival before the ’97 season was met with some excitement initially. After all, Tartabull hit 27 HRs and 101 RBIs for the White Sox in ’96, so it was reasonable to see why the Phils wanted him.

Unfortunately, Tartabull proved to be more woman than man, playing in only three games for the Phillies after fouling a ball off his foot in his first at bat with the team.

I’m amazed a baseball card was even created for this waste of space. Every time I see him on that Seinfeld episode, I want to throw a paperweight through my TV. But it’s a very expensive TV, so instead, I throw feathers. It’s far less satisfying.

Ron Gant 1999-2000

Ron Gant 2000 Fleer Tradition

Yup, this is where baseball card makers went off the rails. Fleer Tradition? What about regular Fleer? And what happened to Fleer Ultra? I need answers on things like this.

Raise your hand if you knew Ron Gant played 17 years in the Majors. I sure didn’t. And wouldn’t you know it? The Phillies were one of the teams that were lucky enough to snag him on the back end of that career.

Noticing a pattern here, friends?

Gant was a nice player for Atlanta in the early ’90s until an injury sidelined him for the entire 1994 season. He was never the same player again, which made him a prime target for the Phillies of the 1990s.

What I’ll always remember about Gant was his abysmal showing against the Phils in the 1993 NLCS. That dude almost single-handedly killed every single Atlanta rally in that series. I hope the Phillies gave him a playoff share that season.

***

In the following years, the Phillies would have a little more success with guys like Kenny Lofton in 2005 and Juan Pierre last year. But those are the outliers.

For the most part, during the Phils’ bargain shopping days, the franchise tried to find old stars at low-low prices, hoping their All-Star level games would return.

The lesson, as always, it’s good to have money to purchase players with actual futures.