Series 6-Pack: “You assume the Dbacks won’t get there this year.”

"“Is the enemy of my enemy my friend or my enemy?”–One of those Vampire-Eating Vampires to Wesley Snipes in Blade II"

The answer is, this week, yes.  Or wait.  The answer is “your enemy.”  There we go.  I’m still catching onto the subtle nuances of Blade II’s legendary screenplay.

The cannibalistic vampire in our real-life situation is Scott Allen of Venom Strikes, who you’ll remember brought out the movie quotes last time he was here, too.  This time, the Snakes are a much more viable threat; moreso to the Giants than to us at the moment.  Scott lets us know what’s up in the desert, and does so without ripping out anybody’s larynx with his teeth.  Thank you, Scott.

1.  How much of an offensive punch to the Diamondbacks expect to get from Lyle Overbay, and what is their plan for when they don’t get it?

You know I have an Android Smartphone.  When I texted a buddy of mine the Dbacks had picked up Overbay, the phone’s auto-correct instead put in Overpay.  It really is smart!  Who knew?  I always complain how dumb it is.  So, even paying $1 for Overbay was overpay in my opinion.  Why would the Dbacks want a Pittsburgh Pirates reject hitting just .227?  Because they are desperate that’s why.  He will provide as much offense as Ben Francisco does for the Phillies, which we all know is zilch.

2.  Is the significance of the Charlie Sheen BP session that Rick Vaughn will be playing for the Dbacks in Major League III?  And assuming it follows the standard sports movie formula, would that be the closest the Snakes get to a World Series title in the coming years?

This year!  C’mon buddy, next question.  LOL  You assume the Dbacks won’t get there this year.  Ok, realistically with this lineup, probably a couple of years, maybe.  Ian Kennedy and Justin Upton are still young, especially Upton.  The kid is just shy of 24. He’ll hit 24 in 10 days. I think the Dbacks make it to the series before Vaughn’s Indians do, that’s for sure!

3.  New Dback Collin Cowgill was recently interviewed on AZCentral.com:

"“Q: So what are you expecting?A: I have high expectations obviously for myself, but also for this team. I’m just happy to be in the middle of things and always want to contribute wherever I can and help this team win because that’s what we’re about right now.Q: Sorry, I was talking about getting punked. What are you expecting in that regard?A: Oh, shoot. I have no idea. I don’t even want to think about it, honestly. I, uh . . . I don’t want to . . . Uh, who knows?Q: Well, one of the popular ones is making the rookies dress up like fools on a road trip and then kicking them out of the bus and making them walk several blocks to the team hotel. Have you heard about that one?A: (Sighs) I have heard that. Hopefully whatever they make us wear, it won’t be too bad.”"

He seems confused and/or borderline depressed. Do you see any further pranks devastating him psychologically?

I’m still borderline confused why he has a Major League job.

4.  Jason Marquis was considered a big trade deadline acquisition for the the Dbacks, and now he’s gone forever with a pulverized leg bone.  Do you see a recovery from losing him?  Or was his presence such a blip on the radar that his absence doesn’t even register?

Recovery time – 48 hrs.  24 of them have elapsed.  Wait…I forgot, Jason who?

5.  When addressing next season’s ticket prices, Dbacks president and CEO Derrick Hall said, “It is important we remain affordable for our fans and have decided to keep our season ticket prices flat.”  What is it like to root for an organization whose best offer isn’t to charge you money just to get on a waiting list for tickets?

By waiting list, I assume you mean to get into the women’s restroom, right?  Cause the notion of a waitlist for Dbacks tickets is hilarious.  They can’t give the damn things away here.  They had $4 upper level seats on Saturday against the New York Mets.  They only filled about 40-50% of the upper deck.  Total attendance 33,500 something.  That was a huge crowd compared to the 17,000-18,000 they have been getting lately.

6.  Is there a sense of accomplishment in reaching your win total for last season in mid-August?

Hell yeah.  This team sucked the last two years.  Let me spell that for you….S…U…C…K…E…D.  Even if they go .500 the rest of the way, they win 88-89 games.  At this point, with only this 10-game trip and two six-game trips left and everything else at home, anything less than the wild-card would be a disappointment.  When I reach, I reach high.