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Some Man You've Never Heard of is Suspended for Drugs

“Frandsen is off to a red-hot start for the Halos with eight multi-hit games in his first nineteen starts. Good Luck, Kevin!”

–Kevin Frandsen’s Baseball Reference page

Who would have thought, after such a productive start that year with the Angels, young Kevin would be suspended from baseball for 50 games due to a positive drug test?

No one.  Because no one has ever thought anything about Kevin Frandsen.

Having spent most of his career on west coast with the Giants and Angels, where he undoubtedly picked up his drug problem, Kevin began playing in some level of our farm system not long ago.  There, he set up shop, most likely in a hideous, Lethal Weapon villain-esque sort of way; commanding henchmen, murdering undercover police officers, and building a corrupt series of criminal housing complexes (whatever the hell the guy in LW3 was doing), all for the sake of flooding our innocent minor leagues with drugs.

Life in the minors can get a bit out of hand.

The drug of choice?  Heroin.  Eventually.  If we we let this get out of hand, I mean.  It probably would have become heroin.  Right now, it was merely Ritalinic Acid which Kevin tested positive for; a drug used to combat ADHD.

If I understand the rules of baseball correctly, this means Shane Victorino is to be summarily executed.

Along with OF Joe Dickerson–who tested positive for an amphetamine–the reign of terror with which they gripped the Lehigh Valley clubhouse seems to have come to an end.  But will this be the end of the cartoonishly evil drug trade, or will it merely create a black hole power vacuum, into which is sucked an even more threatening villain?

[This post requires a working familiarity with the Lethal Weapon movies]

 

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