I know you’ve been somewhat update-starved lately, so I wanted to provide you with the majority of what’s been keeping me so busy.
Things I Did Instead of Witnessing My Friend’s Best Halo: Reach Kills
- Poured coffee
- Burnt myself
- Called Mr. Coffee a “punk bitch.”
- Kept claiming it was my turn to play.
- Kept claiming I was embroidering a pillow with “fuck Nick’s Xbox Achievements” on it.
- Folded a shirt
- Grabbed a piece of paper to write these down
- Wrote these down
So, let’s see… what’s in the news today. Oh, in Ottawa they’re trying to turn stop signs into alarmingly huge flowers. That’s nice. But yikes, the founder of WikiLeaks is being charged with international sex crimes. I guess some “leaks” just won’t get plugged! Know what I’m sayin’?!
*crickets*
All right, obviously I’m avoiding the real issue here like its arbitration: the Jayson Werth saga trudged forward a bit, and it was in the direction you think. But what did you think would happen? He’d turn his intentions on a time, erasing months of casual dread and rumor mongering? Hell no! But at least this is one contract negotiation that isn’t turning into a break-up at a college kegger.
No, this is more like driving a stray cat to be euthanized and getting stuck in a traffic jam. You know how this is going to end, but that milk truck flipped over, and this first bit of the off season has been a case of forced intimacy as we sit and wait to see what separative thing happens next. Even though mostly its been what we’ve all assumed–Jayson’s headed to the Red Sox (or someone else), who are, according to the Boston Herald, working feverishly like a workshop full of contractual elves to sign either Jayson or Carl Crawford.
This will be a series of unfun revelations. No surprises; just looking that stray cat in the eyes and telling him you just can’t afford to hand over $17 million annually over six years.
So let me counteract that bouquet of sadness I just delivered to you (did I just compare losing Jayson Werth to killing an innocent cat? What the hell even is that) with some raucous applause.
Here’s the list of the best Phillies prospects, position by position. Not a ton of surprises here either, but at least its encouraging, and not some weird comparison to killing animals. I can’t remember if I knew Scott Mathieson can throw 99 mph.
If Scott comes up and does well, how ready are you to hear Joe Buck or Tim McCarver’s voice say “Now this guy’s got a great story…” the second he enters a game.