Here’s Some Dumb Things Jeff Francoeur Has Said

Hey, its Jeff Franceour, that lovable scamp who went from “The Natural” (A title once bestowed on Greg Dobbs as well, so take that with a grain of shit) to the worst everyday Mets player in the blink of a career.

Recently, Francoeur decided to put a positive spin on Francisco Rodriguez’s funny little game of “3rd Degree Assault” with the father of his girlfriend.  This quote, included below, turns out to only be one of many irreversibly asinine things the dopey, endlessly complaining Francoeur has said in his life.

So, let’s take a journey back, and examine the frothy, ignorant word sewer that is Jeff Francoeur’s mouth, and the toxic leakage it has spilled in recent memory.

August 13, 2010

“Maybe it’s a distraction we need.  Not to say it’s a good thing. But maybe at the end of the day we can turn it into a positive.”

…and the New York Mets are your 2010 World Champions of baseball!  Without a doubt, your MVP is going to be Jeff Francoeur, whose post season explosion took the Mets from a predicted abysmal fourth place finish to the best of the best!  Here’s Jeff Francoeur on the field now.  Jeff!  What would you say was the turning point for the Mets this season, when you mounted your shocking comeback in the standings?

Well, I’d have to say it was when K-Rod slammed his girlfriend’s father’s head into the wall of a hallway at Citi Field!  Yeah!  We always believed, without a doubt, that if just one of our teammates could be barred from seeing the mother of his children, as well as her father, we’d have a chance at winning this thing.  And what do you know!  Its been a magical season!  I’d like to give a shout out to K-Rod’s one year old twins, who’ve been exposed to a shocking act of abuse!  Your early childhood traumas were all the fuel we needed to go all the way!

May 12, 2010

“That’s just bullshit.  That’s really not fair. That’s just not fair…It’s ridiculous… Absolutely crazy.”

The G-20 summit was the fourth in a string of conferences of international leaders to discuss the state of the world economy.  It was originally planned to take place in Huntsville, Ontario.  Where is that, you ask?  No one knows.  And with the sheer volume of activity that was to take place there, it was deemed far too microscopic a location to house all the delegates in town for the summit.

So, it was moved to Toronto, that Canadian city you’ve heard of.  Sadly, the Blue Jays were scheduled to play a three game series against the Phillies that week, and, well, the summit would just have to find somewhere else to have their orgy or whatever they were doing.

“Wait a second,” said the king of Canada.  ”Why don’t we just move the baseball game, which will effect very few people, to make room for the summit, which effects every single person on fucking earth.”

Thus, the series was transplanted to Philadelphia, giving the Phillies three extra home games.

Jeff Francoeur, however, realized that if there was one thing that could derail the 2010 Mets, it would be these three games.  And as heroes often do, Francoeur stepped forward, grabbed a microphone, and uttered the mature, rational quotation you see above.

March 24, 2010

“The Phillies have done great, I understand.  But, God, they have not had the injury bug. Not one guy has been out the last two years. Bless them, I’m not praying for them to be hurt, that’s great. But you feel it’s got to kick up sometime.

Well, there’s just not a lot true in regards to “not one guy” being injured through 2008 and 2009.  In fact, if that were to happen to a team, for two years straight suffering zero injuries, it would have to be some kind of record.

So to discover that for example, Chase Utley was having hip problems in ’08 and Brad Lidge spent all of ’09 ruining his perfect ’08 by playing with an injury the whole season, may deflate that argument a bit. But hey, in the end, they didn’t really affect us, so they shouldn’t count.  I just wanted to point out that Francoeur was wrong.

I’m not going to sit here and call Jeff Francoeur a warlock, again, but what is he trying to say with this statement?  He clearly wanted other people to hear it or he wouldn’t have said it to a newspaper.  So that means he intends to blame the Mets’ failures on several seasons of bad luck, and he wants to put the idea of getting hurt into the Phillies’ heads.

Sure, he can cushion it with “Oh, bless them,” all he wants, but anyone with a brain can tell he’s full of shit.  He’s a toxic jackass, putting negative vibes out there instead of, like, working to get better?  All this really says is that Jeff Francoeur likes to complain, and Jeff Francoeur is a whiny asshole, and he’s not afraid of letting the world know.

March 31, 2006

“If you let that stuff get in your head, yeah, you’ll have a sophomore slump. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no such thing. I’m stronger and more experienced than I was last year.”

So maybe Jeff Francoeur didn’t think sophomore slumps existed, but MLB.com sure did, as well Atlanta local OnlineAthens and oh yes, the Braves fans, who were booing because, obviously, sophomore slumps didn’t happen to Jeff Francoeur.  Why?  Because he didn’t want them to, that’s why.

August 24, 2005

“The last time I tried to bunt I got hit in the face last year.”

I… seriously?  Wow.  That’s massively incompetent.

May 9, 2005

“If on-base percentage is so important, then why don’t they put it up on the scoreboard?”

That’s an excellent question, Jeff, and I want to thank you for bringing it up.  Okay, so, and you just jump in here if things get too confusing for you, the team with the most runs wins the baseball game.  To score runs, a team needs to–What?  Oh, sure, I can wait.  Ready?  Cool.  No, its no problem.  I think its great you need to take notes.  Shows dedication.

Anyway, to score runs, a team needs to get runners on base, preferably second or third, which are known as “scoring position.”  Hmm?  Yes, because they are better positioned to score. Very good.

So, if your on base percentage is an indication of how often you get on base, and getting on base leads to runs, then a high on base percentage means that–wake up.  Jeff?  Somebody poke him.

P.S.:  The scoreboard at Turner Field.  Please note the bottom right.  [Thanks to Shysterball's post for pointing this out].

Topics: Braves, Jeff Francoeur, Mets

Want more from That Balls Outta Here?  
Subscribe to FanSided Daily for your morning fix. Enter your email and stay in the know.

TEAMFeed More Phillies news from the Fansided Network

Hot on the Web From golf.com