Domonic Brown Probably Not the Cure-All for Slowly Dying Phils

Domonic Brown, Domonic Brown, Domonic Brown.

He’s everywhere these days!  Everywhere in Reading, PA, which means he is the king of trains and, like, that big pagoda that’s there for some reason.  He can hit, he can field, and he can stay in Double-A, while every other NL East team who isn’t in the midst of a personal Armageddon is birthing a young phenom.

Mike Stanton, Jason Heyward, Ike Davis, Stephen Strasburg.  Each a special talent, each a possible savior, each playing for a shit-eating NL rival currently slathering up to slip on by the Phillies.  Heyward hits home runs into outer space. Mike Stanton, concealed by Strasburg’s debut, can bring the gasping Marlins back from the edge, Ike Davis keeps falling over railings, and Strasburg… god, just… leave us alone…

So, with us spiraling in every direction, spewing failure-juice all over the league, it makes sense that the masses call for the one thing we don’t seem to have–that everyone else does.

The prospect.  But can one man really turn around an entire team flailing desperately in the wind? Can a single entity strike fear into hearts of our competitors? CAN ONE READING PHILLIE BRING AN UNWAVERING ASSAULT ON THE PITCHING SO HEARTILY STIFLING KNOWN PROFESSIONALS?!

Red Sox 12, Phillies 2

Fuck.  No.

Not when its the bottom of the third and I’m getting text messages saying “12-zip, bottom 3rd, really?”  Thank god I was on my way to a boat to get drunk.

Maybe a 12-run deficit is a lot to take down, but when you consider the context of this, the fact that its just a middle link in a chain of miserable, bloodied catastrophes, its more like getting mauled to death by a bear, only to be resuscitated by said bear so that he can have a chance to rape you.

I just pulled for Jamie Moyer to be the Phillies’ All-Star in the Fansided pollster’s picks, because he was somebody who had been impressive while the rest of the starting lineup floundered and the bench just sort of keeled over and died.  I didn’t want to give it to Roy Halladay, because he has so much already, and I wanted to pick somebody who had really been an All-Star in the context of 2010, rather than Doc’s lifelong attack on the art of hitting.

So I went with Jamie.  He’s pitched two complete games, one a shut out, had a winning record and an ERA under four, and he had fought for his spot in the rotation after undergoing four surgeries in the offseason at an age where most men have resigned to cubicles, faculty lounges, or prison.

Last night, he had a strike out.  And 9 ER.

Was the offense even there?  I didn’t even check.  Did ESPN run a story about how the Phillies tried to play last night’s game with the coaching staff at every position?  It’s entirely possible.  They’ve got the iron will, sure, but I just don’t think Charlie Manuel’s got the knees to go nine.

Look, last night was awful.  We got Lackey-ed.  At least there were no errors, and not a huge amount of strike outs.  Jamie Moyer’s lukewarm-streak ended devastatingly, and maybe in another dimension, where the Phillies are playing like they want to stay above .500, they could have closed the margin a bit more.  But for a team with its power off, when the one thing that’s been working a little–the starting pitching–disappears, there’s virtually nothing left.

And that’s what the Phillies were last night.  Absolutely nothing.

Adding one young prospect, no matter how sexy he is, to the lineup is not going to fix that.  This will be a fix that requires multiple steps, and he could easily be one of them, but he is for certain not the only one.  Though I guess eliminating Ibanez would it two things.

Can you imagine being Brown, walking into a clubhouse full of silent, staring Phillies, dropping your bag to the ground, and hearing Ruben Amaro shout “Fix us!”

And before you can even fathom the pressure he has just laid upon your head, Amaro adds, “…before the All-Star break.”