West Philly Woman Not Quite A Prostitute, Courts Say

Like a lot of greasy sex stories, this one started on Craigslist.

“What we have here is a unique situation,” said the Assistant District Attorney Steven Jones, who’s clearly never been to Philadelphia, despite somehow holding a high-level position within its legislative process.

Susan Finkelstein can’t be the first person to try and have sex with somebody in exchange for World Series tickets to this particular World Series, let alone in general.  I can guarantee you she’s not the first person to have it cross her mind.  So, what is she really guilty of?  Isn’t this middle-aged, “flirty” fan just guilty of being an impassioned Phillies follower, aware of her “feminine wiles” and the effect they have on ticket-holding men everywhere?

Wouldn’t you have done the same thing, ADA Steven Jones?!

No.

Wha Finkelstein is actually guilty of isn’t prostitution (*Phew*), but attempted prostitution (wha… oh, come on). Which is to say, she tried to be a good prostitute, but, in a decision that must still be chewing away at her self esteem, the court system in Philadelphia has determined that she failed.  At being a prostitute.  After making an offer to have sex with someone in exchange for WS tickets.

Finkelstein “… had admitted to being desperate to find reasonably priced tickets to a home game,” reports Fox News. Which sort of makes you wonder what sort of gothic, confusing, assplay-heavy sexual encounters will be the result of ticket prices at Yankee Stadium.