Reunion with Phillies Costs Brett Myers a Groin

Phillies 8, Astros 7

Former first round pick (Say it without laughing.  No, go ahead.  I can wait.) Brett Myers had fun “sticking it” to the Phillies yesterday, as he went one pitch deep into the sixth inning before some uncomfortable feelings in his groin.

“We’ll see how it feels tomorrow,” Myers said to anyone who has interest in participating in Brett Myers GroinWatch 2010.  God, I can’t WAIT to find out how Brett Myers’ groin feels tomorrow.  He was running to cover first when that totally unfamiliar feeling of getting injured at a critical time for his team hit him like a garden slug slowly sliming across a tomato leaf.

Greg Dobbs and his bat showed up and did the hero thing, which kept yesterday’s game from morphing into a series of Brett Myers headlines with “Yeah, I got ‘um” at the center of the action.

So glad I don’t have to write about Myers’ exploding body parts anymore.  Unless I want to.  Which I did.

Kyle Kendrick pitched a little bit longer than Myers could, and he did it without getting an awkward feelings in his pants.

Going 5 and 2/3, Kyle gave up 5 hits, 2 runs (1 earned),  1 strike out and 2 walks.  Not phenomenal, but enough to make Jamie Moyer grimace from the dugout, hoping an aging set of eyes attempting to burn holes in Kendrick’s pants would be enough of a deteriment to net him a starter’s role.

Seriously, with the way these guys are pitching, it will be starts like this–good, not great–that are the difference.  Which is pretty cool, given the spot they are scrapping over is the FIFTH SPOT.

Rich Dubee has no plans to stop stringing Kendrick along like a puppy chasing a butterfly.  “I’m pleased with the way Kyle is throwing the ball, but I also know there’s a track record on the other guy.”

Hmm.  I honestly don’t give a shit anymore, because both guys have proven themselves in my book.  Which is why I would be a terrible manager.  I tend to favor Moyer for being desperate to claw tooth and nail into the spot, which Kendrick will probably get at some point if not immediately.

Anyways.  We didn’t hear about last year’s resolution of pitching issues until late March/early April, so chances are, we’ll hear Jamie’s the fifth starter around that time this year, too.  In the mean time, just try to enjoy Brett Myers’ ultimate, horrifying revenge on the Phillies by getting injured in the crotch.

Oh no!  How will we recover, Brett?! *Weeps uncontrollably*

Anybody catch A-Rod starting a completely routine double play that somehow made it into the highlights of the Orioles-Yankees game?  That the O’s won EIGHT TO FUCKING ZERO?! Way to make it subtle, ESPN.

Moyer gets his chance for a rebuttal on Friday.  It’s going to be INSANE.  He’ll be trying new pitches.  Fighting off minor injuries.  Hurling the ball with velocity we’ve yet to see from him.  Prepare for a tension-laced stare down with one of baseball’s longest-tenured, most respected, breaking ball-chucking bad-asses with a hard on for making young players reduce themselves to a dejected stroll back to the bench.

“I don’t think so. Not really,” said Charlie Manuel.

Oh.  Uh, good.

Phils-Yanks tonight, 7:05. Let’s hope Alex Rodriguez doesn’t start a double play tonight or the Phillies may not even make the highlight reel.