Poor Brett Myers is Just Misunderstood

First, let’s just talk about Chan Ho Park being a Yankee.  Is he really going to start in New York?  I thought that was the whole point of leaving the Phillies, to join the rotation of a team that was World Series-bound, and honestly, he’s a lot closer to that dream than I thought.

Let’s consult the smartest Yankees fan I know, Roommate:

“Maybe if somebody gets injured.  I don’t know, they have a pretty weak starting rotation.  But in the playoffs?  *Patronizing laughter*.”

There you have it:  We should all be laughing at Chan Ho Park.

And today in Brett Myers news, Brett Myers is apparently still news, despite being ten states away and playing for a different baseball team.  Brett was recently explaining to the press, as he often has to, how his comments about “sticking it” to the Phillies were seen as hostile, not playful like he meant them to be.

“If anybody takes that wrong I’m sorry, but that’s not the way it’s supposed to be meant.”

Okay, Brett, listen.  I’m sure this is true.  I’m sure the press grabbed hold of that statement, and the Cole Hamels thing, and punching your wife in the face (maybe not) and just ran with it because it made a good headline.  That’s what they do.  The press has a job , and it is to sculpt a headline that will make people’s eyes bulge out of their heads to the point where they can’t help but fork over $0.75 for a chance to eat up whatever’s written underneath it.

Here’s where I’m confused, though:  Why don’t you know that yet?

“I’m telling you, man, when it rains it pours on me sometimes.”

Awww, poor Brett Myers!  He keeps saying and doing stupid things and the press keeps reporting on it.  And he also keeps refusing to learn from that.

“I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Sometimes that gets frowned upon. But I think it just shows people that I’m passionate about what I do and I take what I do seriously. If that’s a bad thing, I’m sorry, it’s me. It’s who I am.”

Oh.  My.  God.

For being a class clown, Brett’s really coursing down drama queen lane, here.  “Buuuhh, Philadelphia won’t let me be who I am.”  Are you kidding me, Brett Myers?

You’re not the first wisecracking clown to come through here.  Tug McGraw?  Larry Andersen?  John Kruk?  Hilarious. You did not succeed as a funnyman, Brett Myers, and here’s why.  They say timing is the most important part of comedy.  When John Kruk struck out swinging like a loon on Randy Johnson, it was hysterical, because it was just the damn All-Star game.

Saying something prickly to Cole Hamels as he continued to falter during the World Series, in front of the press, while you weren’t even part of the squad for the NLCS… I don’t care if you guys carpooled the next day.  I don’t care if you went out to dinner later that night.  I don’t care if you’re the godfather of his child.  That’s not the time nor the place to start getting cute. You were in the middle of a damn World Series and you were losing.

What is it with athletes named Brett pretending to play the victim?  Is this 8th grade?  Are we going to see “Philz r mean!!!! :-(:-(:-(” on his Facebook page?  Grow the hell up.  You can be smart about being stupid.