Wise also believes that baseballs are alive, and trying to eat him.

Screamin' Groins and the Big Bronze Harry

As the saying goes, “it’s just not Thanksgiving without some talk of Jamie Moyer’s groin.”

Those pesky torn muscles Moyer suffered through apparently went through a bit of a flare-up and the 47-year-old is now (maybe not anymore) hanging out at Thomas Jefferson University hospital.

Is he, like, going to pitch?  His contract says yes, but his groin won’t stop screaming “AAAAAAA GOD NO.”

On the other end of the spectrum, DeWayne Wise will be joining the Phils in Clearwater come spring.  His stats this year were so underwhelming you might already be yawning (.225, 2 HR, 11 RBI), but that’s why he’s only getting a minor league contract.

He was also a big part of Mark Buerhle’s perfect game, making a mind-bending catch against the wall to keep the feat intact.

Good news for that perfect game Cliff Lee’s got brewing in him.

Wilson Valdez, a backup Mets infielder (Who, by the way, are having their own little offseason signing escapades), has also been offered a minor league deal.  He did not see a lot of playing time in ’09, but these are both guys that are fairly capable with their defense.

And on this, the most hallowed of thanks-related holidays, let’s close with a bit of heartwarming “Aw, that’s nice”-ness.

Lawrence Nowlan is a sculptor and a diehard Phillies fan.  In a combination of those two things, Nowlan has put in motion a plan to sculpt a 7-foot, bronze Harry Kalas; a monument to the man who narrated the grass stain and firefly-choked summers of many people’s youth.

What started as a Facebook petition (one of those few petitions you’d have to be a real asshole not to sign) is now becoming a reality, as Nowlan  and the 20,000 signatures on the petition are a driving force behind immortalizing Harry even further by the start of the 2011 season.

If there’s enough money, they’re even going to throw Whitey up there.

A more than fitting tribute for 38 years of the greatest play-by-play calling in sports.

All right, I’m getting misty.  Stop ignoring your family, get out of the blogosphere and go give some thanks.

Tags: Dewayne Wise Harry Kalas Jamie Moyer Jamie Moyer's Groin Sculpture Wilson Valdez

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