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Wilson Valdez Loses Battle with Not Being Traded to the Reds
For weeks now, you’ve been following the Wilson Valdez trade rumors. Unfortunately, at the moment they hit a fever pitch, they were overlooked, thanks to pointless media-spew like Prince Fielder’s…Read More
Jimmy Rollins Refuses to Provide Us Every F*cking Injury Detail We Want
Wilson Valdez celebrated his return to the Phillies lineup yesterday in place of “injured” Jimmy Rollins by doing what he does best with a bat: ruining everything. So naturally, the press…Read More
Danys Baez, David Herndon and Wilson Valdez Star in 19 Inning Win
Huh?! What the hell just happened.? I think what happened was that I stayed up until 2:00 A.M. ON A SCHOOL NIGHT watching a baseball game last over five hours. The combination of terrible pitchers…Read More
Chase Utley to Raise Fan Hopes to Ridiculous, Unattainable Level
So, what, Chase? You think you can just walk back into our lives after being away for so long? You can! You can. Sorry. Do you need anything? Some money? Do you want to stand there and laugh…Read More
Phils Squeak by Rockies Behind Dominant Hamels
Not hitting is a little easier to take if the team is winning. During the Phillies four game losing streak they have not hit the ball very hard and the very definition of a “losing streak”…Read More
And more..
Phils Take Series by Bludgeoning Jon Niese
Roy Halladay ended the string of poor performances by starting pitchers with his outing today. Halladay…Read More
In Opposite World, Burnett Bests Oswalt
I want everyone reading this to repeat a phrase to themselves. ”It is only spring training.”…Read More
Phils Win Against a Bunch of Other Team’s Top Prospects
I bet that Pittsburg is not real happy about that potential football work stoppage. There is a very…Read More
Wilson Valdez, We Muchly Knew Ye
We’ve all been on the internet through the countless re-hashings of Jimmy Rollins’ return.…Read More
No One Gloats as Roy Halladay Wins 20th Baseball Game
In 1996, a pharmaceutical company called Pfizer Inc. heard about a relentless wave of cholera, measles,…Read More
Competent Phillies Ruin So Many Jokes About Incompetence
All right, I jerked off Roy Oswalt just plenty earlier today, so there’s no reason to sit here…Read More
Charlie Manuel Assures You, Ryan Howard Not Dead
“He ain’t dead. Not by a longshot.” –Charlie Manuel For those of you out…Read More
Ryan Howard Hurls Bat at Fans as Phils Win
Ryan was in the middle of striking out on three straight fastballs with the bases loaded when his bat…Read More
Multiple Injuries Can’t Stop Phillies From Losing
Chase Utley sat in the examination room. A sweaty, nervous team physician entered with a swath of papers. “Well,…Read More
Roy Halladay Too Good to Win Baseball Game
If you were wondering how J.A. Happ is doing in rehab, he’s doing justy grand we are all very proud…Read More
Brad Lidge Gives Up 3-Run HR, Gets Win
The undoing of Brad Lidge happens in a cycle, and tonight, we witnessed the precious ecosystem that is…Read More
Bullpen Latest Set of Phillies to Ruin Everything
Well, I think it’s fair to say we’ll all be seeing Brad Lidge’s head on the body of…Read More
Out of Ideas, Phillies Attempt to Stop Losing Streak With More Losing; Lose
The Phillies Twitter-verse is like hanging out in a smoky bar full of cranky old men screaming at the…Read More
Roy Halladay Finally Catches Up With Dallas Braden’s Skill
A wave of frothy drizzle sat on Roy Halladay’s face all night. His hallmark concentration cut…Read More
Charlie Manuel Imagines World Where Phillies Always Win
This is the shit legends are made of. Not our legend, mind you, but the legends in some other city, on…Read More
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