So, before I decide in what fashion I will discuss this afternoon’s particular catastrophe, I’m going to feed you some of the top Tweets from today’s game.

TOP PHILLIES TWEETS

• First, OuttaHerrrrreee provides us with what is probably a hugely adequate solution.  Then again, it has been almost two weeks since this mess started, so chances are, they’ve already gone down that road.  I mean, we did make a stop in New York.
• The Fightins‘ meechone brings up a name I haven’t had in my brain since last I glanced at a “Meet the ’98 Phillies!” stadium program.
• Okay, good point, xJKRCx.  You may the last optimist left in Phillies nation.  The rest of us will be staring hopelessly at the “2008″ banner still hanging on the wall before using it to smother our Roommates to death.
• Me too, PhilliesDoll, that’s why I’m stalling before I write this next post.
• Oh, wow.  So there’s psycho fans for other teams in this division, too.

(more…)

“It’s certainly a theory,” the Phillies respond, then make up an excuse and leave the room, wondering why the elder of their sons is still brain-deep in fantasyland.  This is why he couldn’t get a date to Homecoming.

Phillies 3, Yankees 0

Yesterday was Jamie’s turn, again, to make a play for what he believes to be his already.  This time, it was the Yankees, the team Jamie didn’t get to face last year in the postseason because of a hernia.  That fastball/cutter thing he’s doing worked, getting him 6 K’s in 6 1/3 innings.  He didn’t allow a run or more than one hit, and yes, he slapped Curtis Granderson with the ball, but its Jamie Moyer, so you, know.  It was like colliding with a firefly.

Yes, Jamie’s done nothing… like, nothing at all… to dissuade those on the fence about his job security.  Every start he’s made has been a reason to be impressed, which is thrilling, because when I said I would back him just based on the Eastwood-esque nature of his “These damn pitchers today with their sexy workouts and their stupid hair” argument, I was concerned that once again, I was making a judgement call based on how funny I thought something was, rather than actual baseball.

Jamie Moyer, usually observant, fails to notice as Raul Ibanez's t-shirt begins to explode. (Image courtesy of 1.bp.blogspot.com)

And now that there’s the actual baseball to back me up, I’m glad Jamie’s my horse.

Of course, Kyle Kendrick’s kept his doughy-eyed splendor in check and has been producing a spring of interesting starts himself.

How possible do we think it is that the Phillies knew exactly who they were going to stick in that fifth spot since before spring training started?  That Rich Dubee muscling to the microphone to compliment Kendrick was just supposed to be a strategically placed mind game, based on Moyer’s distaste for whippersnappers?  That pretty much everything that has happened has been a Truman Show style set-up for Moyer to get all miffed, go out there, and be all he can be?

I’ve found myself just sort of leaning on that concept since Spring Training started.  A lot of this has to do with Dubee really, noticeably going out of his way to chuck a compliment in Kendrick’s direction.  Not that he doesn’t deserve them, but Dubee’s about as charitable and flowery as a steel bear trap wearing a Phillies hat.

No matter what propaganda, if any, has been churned out, it makes you wonder.  Charlie Manuel:  Evil Genius?

Regardless, they got two quality starters out of the experiment, and let’s not give a thumbs up, burrow our heads in the sand, and assume that we will get through all of 2010 using only five starter pitchers.

Anyways, contrary to the papers and blogs, there were people playing baseball yesterday other than Jamie Moyer. Placido Polanco had a pair of hits and a pair of sparkling defensive stops.  Shane Victorino knocked in two runs.  And the Yankees, who just gave their last starter’s role to Phil Huges, watched him throw a couple of wild pitches past Francisco Cervelli.

And A-Rod did nothing, which in most players’ cases, would mean they probably wouldn’t get quoted in the paper, but hey, it’s A-Rod, and he’s just so damn likable you can’t help but stick a microphone in his face.

Oh, and if anybody wants to get an intriguing look at the inner workings of a fluttery 12-year-old girl’s brain, start following Nick Swisher on Twitter. He likes to fill the internet with such burning inquiries as “Good day everyone! How’s your day going?” or “What is your favorite food to eat during a Yankees game?”

This is a grown man using Twitter to ask people how their days are going, twice, in a 24 hour period.  Oh, and A-Rod did do something:  not meet with federal officials regarding suspicions of cheating at baseball.

The New York Yankees, everybody.