That Balls Outta Here » third base

Chipper Jones Chooses Incorrectly Assembling Household Items over Baseball

Justin Klugh — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 19:02:01 +0000

Chipper Jones, a 40-year-old man who routinely uses the phrase”lol” and used to play baseball for the Atlanta Braves, has decided not to return to the game.

Retirement in baseball is tricky these days. Guys have trouble breaking away from the game, and with the shallow depth as far as hitting goes–and third base specifically–teams are hungrier than ever to have a proven commodity come back.

So naturally, people were calling Chipper Jones to find out if he would be available for the 2013 season, just weeks after Jones made it official that he would be back for no seasons ever again. And he was forced to reiterate that yes, 2013 is one of the seasons in question.

Chipper’s agent BB Abbott said several teams have called on Chipper but #Yankees didnt. Wouldn’t say which teams have. Staying retired, tho.

— Mark Hale (@HaleMark) January 7, 2013

Could the Phillies have been one of those phone calls? Yes. Our sources here are telling us that the team does still have phones. For more intimate calls, Ruben will appear at a player’s window and hurl rocks.

But it seems that Chipper has been pretty busy as a retired middle-aged man, scoffing at needing the directions for a basketball hoop, then wordlessly shaking his head as he regretted throwing them away.

What’s wrong with this pic folks? Never said I was the sharpest tool in the shed. Damn ladder!!! Lol twitter.com/RealCJ10/statu…

— Chipper Jones (@RealCJ10) December 27, 2012

So it seems Jones will stay retired, and turn down that little voice in retired athletes’ heads that tells them that coming back for one year to play adequately at best in a different uniform won’t at all sully their legacy.

Placido Polanco Wins Gold Glove as Phillies Continue to Have Offseason

Justin Klugh — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 13:00:50 +0000

All those times this year when Placido Polanco was spearing a line drive out of swirling gale force wins, or filching a base hit, braking hard in foul territory, and sending it across the infield before the ball even realizes it’s been struck by a bat, was he imagining being handed that sweet Gold Glove at the end of the season? Of course not. Polly is a team player, one who is so unsung he doesn’t even sing in the shower.

Its just nice to know that he’d be in the top ten of “Players Who Send Hitters Back to the Dugout About to Hurl Their Helmet in Disgust.” (more…)

Charlie Manuel Waits for Placido Polanco to Leave; Calls Other Third Baseman

Justin Klugh — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 20:13:00 +0000

“MORE CORTISONE,” the Phillies trainers shouted, shattering the glass casing that read “Break in case of anything,” and dragging the firehose-esque device out.

Placido Polanco wanted to avoid such treatment, but by the end of the season, it was the only thing keeping him alive. Rumors say. Rumors started on this website. Today.

But he did have a sports hernia, which he played through, but unfortunately is like a dump truck trying to drive at full speed with a mailbox stuck in the front tire. Its not an issue all the time, but when you’re going pretty hard, it comes up more often.

We’re all driving around in dump trucks, right? That’s an apt, relate-able metaphor? Great. (more…)