That Balls Outta Here » slump

Raul Ibanez Completes Historic Offensive Output

Justin Klugh — Wed, 04 May 2011 19:11:19 +0000

A lot of people are probably impressed by Andre Ethier’s half-a-Dimaggio, but let’s face it: hitting is easy. Cole Hamels hit a triple last night, and that guy can’t even shut out the Nationals. I can meander into a batting cage and usually poop out a line drive or two over the course of an afternoon. I might be risking the ire of an entire little league team, but whatever; the point is, I can do it, eventually.

No, the true accomplishment is going completely dark in the offensive sector. Obviously, it doesn’t take a world of skill to check swing at a pitch that bounces into the opposite batter’s box and head back to the dugout wondering how you’ll support your growing family once you are mercilessly cut from the roster. But what Raul Ibanez has done is proven to us with a thin, poisoned slice of history. And if just anybody could go 0-for-36, this would be one shitty baseball league. (more…)

Ryan Howard, Fans, Press Say Phillies are Still Cool

Justin Klugh — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 08:29:57 +0000

“The Phillies insist that all is well.”

Let me just stop you right there.

“…and that their jittery fan base needs to remain calm.”

The Phillies held a press conference to address solely the fans? And then called them “jittery”? And then told them all to “remain calm”? I think you’re confusing “the Phillies” with “the pilot on the intercom the last time I was on a crashing jetliner.”

Anyways, I said “stop.”

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Dallas Green Gives Not Profanity-Laced Advice on Having Patience

Justin Klugh — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 03:59:56 +0000

Does the New York Post go out of its way to make the Mets look like a frolicking gaggle of pre-pubescent, pigtailed girls? I have never seen a 1-2 punch of newspaper-sports team that seems to make a habit of informing the public that their favorite club consists of 25 guys playing an increasingly giggly game of grab-ass?

: Mm-hmm.

Also, it’s live chat time tomorrow night, so show up, or miss out on the hilarity of three guys who know what they’re talking about and me, a guy who likes to shout at walls after bumping into them. Which wouldn’t happen so often if they would just learn to GET OUT OF MY WAY.

And you like hockey, obviously, because it is a sport where half serial killers/half gladiators glide around on razor sharp blades and the only punishment for crimes that, if committed anywhere else would land you in prison for ten years, is two minutes in a clear plastic box. So go here.

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