Highly Biased Phillies Reading Contest Once Again Selects Child as Winner
The Phillies gave out their Most Outstanding Reader award again, and once again it fell into the hands of a child. “You’re never going to win it,” they said to me, as I put aside work,…Read More
Victorino Dethrones Felix, Comes Up a Single Shy of the Cycle
The last member of the Philadelphia Phillies to hit for the cycle was David Bell. It seems a little funny that the feat was accomplished by a crappy, heavy footed third baseman with no power. There…Read More
Ichiro Leads Mariners to 4-3 Win
The Phillies played four games in less than forty eight hours and then jumped on a plane to Seattle. Once they arrived in the emerald city to play baseball, they were matched up with twenty two year…Read More
Cliff Lee; Professional Bad Ass
Cliff Lee has driven in more runs at the plate during this homestand than he has allowed. He is an undoubtedly bad motherfucker. This is the type of unsustainable dominance that we have all been irrationally…Read More
Shane Victorino to Fix Stupid Road Trip That Isn’t Going Perfectly
Because we just lost a series to the Nationals, its time to do what is best after a debilitating loss, and that is to ignore it completely. Hey, look! Something else! Read | Share
Bats Back Hamels in Phils Victory
The start after a pitcher throws a bunch of pitches is always a little concerning. In his last start,…Read More
Victorino and Polanco Power Phils To Win
I know that when everyone out there thinks of the Philadelphia Phillies most likely hitting home runs,…Read More
Hamels Terrific in Shutout Win
Seven innings, four hits, one walk and eight strikeouts. There were probably three hard hit balls all…Read More
Your Denial Will be Unnecessary as Shane Victorino is Just Fine
When the game starts in five minutes, Michael Martinez is leading off. Where is Shane Victorino, you…Read More
Shane Victorino Survives Blood-Splattered Collision with Raul Ibanez
If there was one guy on this team who would suffer a bone-first collision to the face, lie there motionless…Read More
Shane Victorino Answers Question by Winking
Why is Shane Victorino bunting? Why hasn’t he bunted so much before? Why would he try to bunt…Read More
Three Cases of Unfortunate Phrasing Today
“There’s some hunger in our mouths,” centerfielder Shane Victorino said. “I don’t think…Read More
Shane Victorino is Excellent Human Being
That’s right, our very own Shane Victorino has been awarded the “Humanitarian of the Year”…Read More
Phillies Getting Intimate with Juan Samuel a Second Time
While the Eagles are busy stealing members of the Vikings practice team, the Phillies are flipping through…Read More
Phils Remind Dodgers They Are Just the Dodgers
“If you throw a shutout and the team doesn’t score any runs for you, you’re not going…Read More
Dodgers Can’t Even No-Hit Phillies
How is Kyle Kendrick already pitching again? I feel like it was just a few days ago that I was silently…Read More
Unable to Stop Astros, Phils Beat Padres for Some Reason
There are a lot of words floating around to describe the Phillies right now. ”Lifeless.”…Read More
Summer in the Citi
Rolling into the Mets stadium right now is like knocking on your neighbors’ door because you heard…Read More
What Can Brown Do For You? Get Out.
What’s that, Amtrak? You want to spend $52 billion dollars to decerase travel time between Boston…Read More
Phillies Continue Hot Streak of Wins, Stupid Injuries
Even a win can feel like a loss. Jimmy Rollins went down yesterday with a bad case of “foul ball…Read More







