That Balls Outta Here » season

Maybe Pretend to Care Joe Blanton Could be Out for the Season

Justin Klugh — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 19:15:21 +0000

“… it seems doubtful the veteran is going to have the time to return to starting-pitcher form this season even if his elbow recovers in time to avoid a collision-course with an operating table.”

What Dennis Deitch was trying to say, while invoking the image of poor Joe Blanton getting pulverized by a cold metal piece of furniture, was that Joe may not be seeing his name in a box score for the rest of the season due to what Scott Profrock called a “hiccup” in his back. Which sounds disgusting. I hope his body is still in a single piece.

Don’t act like you care. (more…)

TBOH to Public: “Hold Onto Your Butts”

Justin Klugh — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 18:54:42 +0000

Things sure are changing around here on That Balls Outta Here, a blog that has now made two irrelevant cultural references in its headlines this week. First, somebody let a new staff writer in here, Tony DiStefano, whose first post recapped the Phillies recent eight-run massacre that was unfortunately just for fun. Second, there will be a blast of hot guest posts in the coming weeks. Finally, just before the season starts, we are proud to announce our 2011 Phillies Fan Guide, entitled “DANCE WITH ME INSIDE THIS RING OF FIRE,” which is based on an out of context Ryan Howard quote, and is only pronounceable when typed in all capital letters.

Yes, adoring public, this is a blog post about other blog posts that don’t exist yet, but like the 2011 Phillies, that doesn’t mean you can’t get prematurely excited over it and assume the best. As we lovingly enter this fresh new set of games, shouts, and lies, let us find guidance in a document written by me and appearing on this website.

Now let’s all reflect on the beautiful things to come on this website by having a great weekend.

Woooooo weekends.

When Will People Start Buying Phillies Shirts

Justin Klugh — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 16:42:35 +0000

As you can probably tell, the TBOH staff is made up of rebellious ne’er-do-well’s. We often hang outside of Wawas, harassing customers with 19′th century slang and throwing stray cats at the cops. This attitude extends into our wardrobes, as well–nobody here is going to pay for any merchandise of a our beloved Phillies. A lot of that is because we are moneyless vagrants, sure; but also because of the principle of the thing. That shit is expensive, and as we fight the system tooth and nail, there’s just no way we can afford to hand over $29.95 or a cap.

But that has not stepped the rest of you, it seems, from shattering old world records of Phillies products, the sales of which are up 100%, according to their director of merchandise.

You got to fight the power, people. Sometimes that means writing “I <3 Shane” on a plain white t-shirt you shoplifted from Wal-Mart, instead of raping your checking account to buy his jersey in the Majestic store. (more…)