Is this John Suomi’s catcher’s mask? We’ll never know! Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Apparently, John has a signature “Suomi the money” phrase attached to him that makes him worth whatever the Phillies are paying him.  Never cracking an MLB roster, Suomi has made it as far as Triple-A many times since 2007.  His OPS seems to have danced between the upper .600s and lower .700s many, many times, smoothing out to a cool .722 over his career.

But Suomi will be filling a thankless role for the IronPigs come Opening Day, catching for future Phillies bullpenners and batting next to rehabbing stars.  Last year, at the age of 31, Suomi composed a .265/.311/.393 slash line, clobbered four home runs, and even stole a base.

Meanwhile, Scott Elarton, the 35-year-old IronPigs starting pitcher who had come back to baseball after three years away, is inching his way toward a Major League rotation.  The guy went 6-11 last season, with a 5.41 ERA and was dragged down by a 3.6 BB/9.  But there are some teams out there starved for pitching, one of which being the Minnesota Twins, whom Elarton has gravitated towards.  Likely to start on their Triple-A roster in 2013, Elarton, should his progress continue, has a shot of cracking the rotation behind Vance Worley.

Not an epic day of signage, certainly, but necessary, and nice to know guys like Suomi and Elarton get the shots that they deserve.  They will without a doubt be playing more professional baseball than me in 2013.

Or… will they….

**Tears leg shoulder muscle reaching for bowl of pita chips**

OH SWEET UNBELIEVABLE JESUS

Kim Klement-US PRESSWIRE

“Scott Elarton.”

It’s one of those names you don’t even see on the Phillies spring training roster, because you scan right over it.  Hey, great… another aging reliever trying to cling to a dream with a loosening grip.  It doesn’t even really sound like a baseball name; more like the moniker of a gentleman trying to sell you a skateboard/vacuum cleaner hybrid at 3:30 in the morning.  And not in an infomercial–in your bedroom, after crawling through your window, swearing he wouldn’t hurt you if you would just listen.  Also I imagine he’s wearing a top hat.

Anyway, there are plenty of guys like Scott in Clearwater this season.  Hell, there are plenty of guys like Scott everywhere, during every season.  But what’s different about Scott is that apparently, he is being better than god awful.  And that’s something All-Stars like Dontrelle Willis can’t claim.

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Scott has pitched for such MLB powerhouses as Houston, Colorado, Cleveland, and Kansas City over the course of ten years.  Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Don’t jump to conclusions just because you’re only now realizing that “powerhouses” was sarcastic.  They all have good players and stuff.  Why are you acting like Scott Elarton is so bad?  Just… JUST GIVE SCOTT ELARTON A CHANCE FOR GODS SAKE. (more…)