Apr. 25, 2012; Phoenix, AZ, USA; Philadelphia Phillies catcher Carlos Ruiz makes a throw against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Chase Field. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

His first attempt was last night in Clearwater with the Threshers, alongside famed outfielder Delmon Young.  Chooch went 0-for-5 with nothing at all to speak of.  We can rest assured that the young pitching staff was charmed and handled.

Delmon went 4-for-5, by the way.  He managed to find where right field was.

Unlike Delmon, though, Chooch gets to leave Clearwater and head up to Reading for a stop with the Fightins.  The event will probably be met with far more fanfare, as the Fightins can’t even perform the most mundane activities, like purchasing some ostriches, without throwing a parade.

Chooch is coming to Baseballtown this weekend….are you? ht.ly/km8bk

— Reading Fightins (@ReadingFightins) April 24, 2013

CALM DOWN.

Anyway, the appeal is that it brings Chooch all the closer to us.  I find it difficult to believe that one player will bring any sort of order to this team, but we can hope that his influence is as strong as it was last year.  But even that could be a waste of time.

Chooch played 153 games back when the team was called the “Phillies.”  He hit .278 and kept up a .768 OPS.  These are numbers that do not matter because he was also like 14 years old at the time.  [EDITOR'S NOTE: He was 25.  Come on.]

Taking one of their mascots and moving him to the forefront of the franchise meant, they put a lot of their eggs in the “ostrich” basket.  And ostrich eggs are huge.

Which is a fact the Fightins are about find out, if the ostriches they are importing for entertainment purposes are female.  They are.  They come from Roaming Acres Natural Farm, a place in New Jersey where they have ostriches apparently.  But not just any ostriches – USDA inspected, American ostriches, which man, I did not know there were.

The two live ostriches will celebrate Berks County’s leading industry of farming while honoring the new struthious logo of the #Fightins.

— Reading Fightins (@ReadingFightins) April 1, 2013

…

No, right, we’re not.

So there’s two of them, these ostriches, and they’ll be on display in the pasture that is already in the FirstEnergy Stadium outfield for some reason.  Reading, deep in the Central PA farm world, housed in Berks County, is one of the most potent farming counties in the country and off the charts in Pennsylvania – one of those states where the middle portion is predominantly corn fields.  The team and the farm are both excited about the attention this will give the region for its farming capabilities.

Which is pretty cool, but harder to make it seem cool on a Phillies web site where we don’t talk about farming a lot.

But I grew up in farm country.  If there had been a couple of ostriches running around, I can confirm that it would have gotten some attention.  One time the front page of the paper was something like, “Yesterday Was Rather Nice Day.”

Bending to the will of the mother ship, they are forced to shuffle and realign to suit the Phillies’ needs, seeing beloved players sucked out by promotions or trades and managers stolen to fill holes in the coaching staff.

Sure, they re-branded in Reading, to separate themselves from the big club after forging their own distinct identity, but what did they call themselves?  The Fightins; a word in the English language that is only ever used when accompanied by another – “Phils.”  Or I guess “Irish.”  But don’t let them fool you.  They’re the Phillies’ puppet, just like ALL THE REST OF THESE CLOWNS.

**Turns dramatically and points at giant map of the eastern seaboard you didn’t notice before.  All towns with Phillies affiliates are marked with an ‘X’**

You know they all thought I was crazy when I spent the last 17 years making this map.  But now we can look at something and instantly know the route the Phillies’ farm system takes up the east coast.

**Points, again dramatically, as the highway leading from Allentown to Reading.**

222!  This wicked twist of a U.S. highway route may go from Conowingo to Dorneyville, but we all know that for one night this summer, the only stretch that’s gonna matter is the one from Baseballtown to the Peanut City.

It’s a historical road.  I as a teenager once disposed of some empty Mike’s Hard Lemonade bottles while driving my parents’ mini van home from a [remember to look up something cool teenagers do].  Also, many other things have occurred there.  And April 2, it will be the site of the ’222 Classic’ as the Double-A Reading Fightins are hosted by the Triple-A Lehigh Valley IronPigs.  The part where people travel up it to get somewhere else, I mean.

See, darin? It all turns out okay. Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

The ‘Pigs have taken three out of five of the last incarnations of the event, but Reading pulled it out last year, 7-6.  Darin Ruf, a Reading Phillie at the time, made sweet, sweet bacon that day, going 3-for-4 at the plate with a home run and three RBI.  He would eventually go on to an illustrious, 12-season career with the Phillies as a championship caliber slugger and barely serviceable defender.

History is made every year with event.  Find your local stretch of 222 and ride it to the promised land.