That Balls Outta Here » post season

Ruben Amaro Explains Why Red Sox Are Best Team in Baseball

Justin Klugh — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 17:05:32 +0000

“This is the best club in baseball, I think,” he said, motioning toward the Red Sox. “Their combination of speed, power, pitching, bullpen. They’re a hell of a ball club. They don’t have a whole lot of holes.”

–CSN Philly

There are plenty of people out there who aren’t sold on the Phillies. Just because one facet of a team is awesome, doesn’t mean it’s enough to knock their blatant weaknesses unconscious and drag them across the finish line.

I mean, yeah, of course those people suck and are just jealous. Some of them aren’t even picking the Phils to win the division, and refer to themselves as “radical” for doing so (Of course, in Chicago, a journalist should be accustomed to witnessing the unthinkable). Actually, the hype surrounding the Phillies was created by the media and us fans, because we’re insane. Guys like Bobby Valentine who “aren’t sold” on the Phillies aren’t bold revolutionaries for what they’re saying. They’re just being realistic against a background of mindless hype created by one of the most prestigious rotations ever built. (more…)

A Sharp Blast and a Sickening Thud

Justin Klugh — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 02:42:27 +0000

Watching a Ryan Howard at bat is like getting a dog to love you.

When he’s in his season-opening thunder storm in April or the annual September power surge, he can be easily convinced. “Come on Ryan,” you say, slapping your thigh quickly in succession, as he affectionately ka-slams a baseball 450 feet. He runs the bases, that signature enormous smile on his face, happy to be here, happy to contribute, happy to bring exactly what his presence on the roster is supposed to bring.

When he’s slumping, he turns a deaf ear to your calls. “Come on Ryan,” you plead desperately, but there he is, swinging at a pitch way low and even way-er outside. The home crowd groans as he begins another dejected journey back to the dugout.

Watching a Ryan Howard at bat in the bottom of the 9th inning of the NLCS with two outs, a full count, and the winning runs on base, is like trying to get a stray dog to love you; when all that dog really intends to do is tear your guts out.

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Some Weekend Ryan Madson Love For You

Justin Klugh — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 06:26:37 +0000

Sean Hagan, or The Red Suit, as he’s known on the masked vigilante circuit, finally got his punishment: Helping the city of Philadelphia for 80 hours. With some simple calculations (EDITOR’S NOTE: “Addition.”), consider yourself supplied with the amount of service hours the city of Philadelphia is getting, thanks only to Phillies fans.

Hagan: 80 hours

Pukemon: 50 hours (+jail time)

Taser kid: 80 hours

Sex-for-tickets lady: 100 hours

Aspiring DJ (2nd field-jumper): ???

I don’t know how to construct an animal shelter with a bunch of idiots and an erotic novelist, but I’m positive it can’t take more than 310 hours.

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