That Balls Outta Here » players

Study Confirms that Phillies Beloved by All

Justin Klugh — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 12:12:14 +0000

Hunter Pence proved that a Phillies player can go from zero to beloved in the time it takes to put a catch phrase on a t-shirt. All he had to do was have some marginal success and we’d excuse him for doing anything wrong, even the stuff we swore we hated about Domonic Brown.

But our freakish whimsies aren’t on trial today, which is good, because they’re pretty much 100% indefensible. No, today we can say with Forbes Magazine-esque confidence that the Philadelphia Phillies are the most praised and wondrous baseball players in all the land.

E-Poll and Nielsen Sports conducted a survey to gauge the favorite players of the American people, and four out of the top ten are already posters on your wall that you cut into heart shapes: Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Chase Utley, and Ryan Howard.

“The Phillies in a way have become America’s Team, they work hard and they win.”

–Stephen Master, VP of Nielsen Sports (more…)

An Actually Serious Look at the All-Star Ballot

Justin Klugh — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 18:51:43 +0000

Apparently there’s some sort of “issue” with “choking the ballot box with useless votes and ruining everything,” so this year, the powers-that-be at the Baseball Bloggers Alliance have requested that we come up with All-Star votes that aren’t seeping with giggling homerism.

A lot of people think that just because I chant “Chooooooooooooch” for the entire time it takes me to fill out an All-Star ballot that I’m voting for just the Phillies. But that’s just how I fill out forms in general. Yet, to appease the nonbelievers, I submit to the BBA overlords the following list. (more…)

Conversational Tips for the Harry Kalas-Richie Ashburn Benefit Dinner

Justin Klugh — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 19:30:12 +0000

So, in case of which Phillies guy you run into at dinner, I’ve compiled what you should and shouldn’t be doing.

Gary Matthews

Okay, what you need to remember is that you’re dealing with a guy who has a “Hat Enthusiast” section on his Wikipedia page, and he’ll probably be wearing one, so your ice breaker is right there. But what you need to remember even more intently than that is that you do not want Sarge to start talking to you.

So he may be pushing you to into some dialog regarding hats, or his hat specifically… this may include taking it off and wordlessly admiring it, or pretending to drop something so he can bend down and put his hat right in your face.

But resist, because what awaits you at the other end of one of his questions is an explosion of burly, incoherent phrases and words. My advice is to stick with polite smiles, should eye contact occur. (more…)