Derick E. Hingle-US PRESSWIRE

So many words include the letter”F.”  But that’s enough for you, is it?  No, you–a Phillies fan–are way more interested in the “F” sound when a “PH” is making it.  It’s basically the only way you can read it anymore.  After such blinding fandom all these years, the “F” appears as little more than a bizarre, alien hieroglyphic in the first third of the alphabet.  It’s everything you remember learning in childhood–and then a strange, top heavy symbol that’s supposed to mean something to you.

But the Phillies, see; they get us.  They understand that the world is a big, scary place, full of letters that are hard to read, and words that become impossible to understand.  Why, if it weren’t for spellcheck, every “F” word in these paragraphs would be wrongly spelled, in accordance with the so-called correct, dictionary-defined way of spelling things.

And that brings us to Phinley’s Holiday Run Phor Phun, a fundraiser with such mismatched lettering, it borders on ludicrous.  But it’s not meant for those who turn to things like “the dictionary” to spell things correctly.  It’s meant for us; those Phillies fans who fall into the demographic of “not completely literate, physically healthy, South Florida-residing” fans.  They will be the ones who run through the tape of the fundraising 5K or 10K on December 1 at the recently not flooded anymore Brighthouse Field.  There’s a tiki party, a bouncy castle, and awards for the first 50 finishers or either gender.

Obviously, that’s a trek for us dubiously employed Phillies bloggers, who actually can’t physically run anywhere without the assumption that they are chasing the people in front of them because they “just have that kind of face,” according to the police report.  But for those lucky enough to be geographically fortunate as the northeast turns grey, and able to participate in another Phillies affiliate’s copious fundraising; may you run as though actual Threshers have learned to walk on land and are chasing through the streets of your fair city.