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Local School in Path of Phanatic Escape Route, According to Schematics found in cage
Those physical fitness trainers who’ve kept our Phillies in such excellent shape are hitting the road. Or at least, that’s what the team would have you think. Otherwise the Phanatic’s…Read More
Phast Phive: PHIGHT PHIGHT PHIGHT
John Stolnis I, for one, don’t think the Phillies have been the same since Pat Burrell left. I mean, they’ve won exactly ZERO World Series since his departure, while the Giants have won TWO…Read More
Desperate Phillies Turn to Power of the Sun for Answers
Look at the sun up there. Scorching the earth. Hiding from us in the fall. Abandoning us in the winter. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS. Some kind of immortal space-god, giving us the warm embrace of…Read More
Phanatic to be Sedated After Latest Incident
The Phillie Phanatic is clearly a fixture on the Philadelphia sports scene, but only due to the professional, highly skilled nature of his handlers. A wild beast rescued as a baby in the Galapagos Islands…Read More
Phanatic to Once Again Frolic Across City Spreading Thick Layers of Joy, Feces
For another year, handlers have sedated the Phanatic and dyed him a celebratory shade of red for “Paint the Town Red Week,” March 29 – April 3, leading up to MLB’s Opening Day.…Read More
And more..
Phanatic Seizes Power of Quiet West Florida Hamlet
After a brief coup, the Phanatic seized power yesterday in Clearwater, Florida. A forced ceremony…Read More
Phanatic to Reward Local Students for Doing Normal Things
Refuses Invitation to My House, Again Mount Pleasant Elementary School in Wilmington, Delaware was the…Read More
Phanatic Responsible For the Murder of Another Mascot
The Phanatic is legendary. The shadow he casts upon the world of mascotdom makes life for any furry…Read More
Phillies Announce Really Good Idea to Hold Pep Rally on Moving Trolley
Phillies fans, it’s often said, are dangerous enough when they aren’t moving slowly on a…Read More
Harry Kalas Statue Finally Going to be More Than Just a Blog Post Topic
Blogging can be tough. Look at me, I just posted a 200-word ditty accompanied by a .jpg of somebody…Read More
Phillie Phanatic Goes on Rampage Through Philadelphia Airport
The Phillie Phanatic escaped from his handlers the other day and ran rampant through the Philadelphia…Read More
Phanatic to Continue Making Appearances Despite Baseball in Neck
After this week’s events, in which the Phanatic was brained by a foul ball and rushed to the hospital,…Read More
Phanatic’s Shenangians Result in Children’s Laughter, Hospital Visit
When the Phillies are out of town, you probably assumed, as I did , that the Phanatic finds a local…Read More
PHREAK SHOW: The Phanatic; Man’s Best Friend
Pat Adair is more than just an Irish presbyterian minister from the 1860s. He’s the self-described…Read More
How to Meet a Lady at Citizens Bank Park
This is where the introduction about this being Valentine’s Day would go, but you know what day…Read More
Here Are Some Thoughts on Futuristic Ballgirls
As I was being led through AT&T Park recently, I realized baseball, even structurally, is constantly…Read More
“Phanatic Around Town” Review #7: Piazza at Schmidt’s
The “Phanatic Around Town” art project has placed a bunch of identical, differently decorated Phanatic…Read More
“Phanatic Around Town” Review #5: Love Park
Let’s face some realities. The Phillie Phanatic, while the single most fucking hilarious mascot to…Read More
Jesse Biddle Shaken After Assault From Win-Starved Phanatic
For awhile, Philly was spoiled by a harmonic blast of sunshine. Roadkill boiled in the mid-afternoon…Read More
Spring Training Has Started: Talking to You, Winter
“Spring Training started!” I yelled out the window at the snow. ”Winter is over!” But…Read More
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