**huffs rag soaked in turpentine**

It’s been a turbulent offseason for these kids.  First, they had to go to Arizona. Then, they had to team up with a crew of ragtag prospects from the Padres, Reds, Mariners, and Twins.  Would they put their differences aside, come together and eventually win it all?  I just told you, yes.  But now these young Phils of the future return home, uncertain of what even an ostrich is doing here and why it wants so badly to fight them.

But an AFL trophy is just what they need to overcome such trauma.  First, the numbers.

• Tommy Joseph:  49 AB, 10 H, 1 2B, 5 RBI, 6 BB, 8 SO, .204/.224/.515
• Cody Asche:  89 AB, 25 H, 11 2B, 1 HR, 12 RBI, .281/.438/.782
• Zach Collier:  62 AB, 23 H, 4 2B, 3 3B, 10 RBI, 12 BB, .371/.461/.532
• Tyler Knigge:  12.0 IP, 7.50 ERA, 13 H, 10 ER, 5 BB, 10 K
• Jay Johnson:  8.0 IP, 10.13 ERA, 13 H, 9ER, 9 BB, 14 K
• Kyle Simon:  12.0 IP, 9.00 ERA, 21 H, 12 ER, 3 BB, 8 K

Collier is clearly the MVP of the group, going on an offensive tear and also walking a lot–they all wound up walking a lot.  Whether that’s a sign fo completely gasses young AFL pitchers or an increased awareness at the plate, we’ll never know.  I mean we, here at this site will never know.  Beat writers and the like; they probably know already.

The championship game was not a glorious arena for our heroes’ triumph, however.  Joseph didn’t get go play, and only Jay Johnson saw action out of the pen, allowing a hit but then punching out the only batter he needed to get.  Asche got the start at third, as he did most of the season, and Collier played left and then center field in the eighth.  Collier grounded out three teams, but did have a successful sac bunt, while Asche went 0-for-2 with two of those walks I was just mentioning.

The real heroes, however, came from other squads.  The Mariners’ young catcher Mike Zunino went 3-for-5 with 2 RBI, knocking in the Reds’ Billy Hamilton at one point in the first inning after he led off the game with a triple.  The Padres’ outfielder Rymer Liriano was 3-for-3, and Nate Roberts went 3-for-4 with an astounding mustache.

The Salt River Rafters did their best to overcome various small deficits, and all the scoring was done in the first three innings, leading to an intense start that ended in six long, monotonous innings.  But the 4-3 victory for Peoria came to a mighty close when the Padres’ Kevin Quackenbush set the last SR batter down on strikes.  Then everything came to a mighty pause when the first ever AFL protest was staged on a call in the seventh regarding whether or not Nationals prospect Brian Goodwin left third base too early on a sac fly (he did).  Then everything came to a mighty close, again, and the Javelinas flooded the field, celebrating wildly, like a herd of actual javelinas after a delicious kill.

So now, it’s back to boring old regular fall, when there is no baseball played, hockey is on strike, the Eagles are cannibalizing each other, and Andrew Bynum’s knee tries to escape from his body.  It’s a cold world once you leave Arizona.  But that’s not fair.  They say it’s a real dry heat.

As the Javelinas prepare to face off against the Phoenix Desert Dogs today–the same Dogs they victimized all week long–they sit in first place with a 17-11 record.  This has a lot to do with their unfriendly offense, which in their last five games has scored 59 runs.  It’s the AFL, and everybody’s tired, but those are numbers that will notch you wins.  In a 5-2 stretch, they scored eight runs in each of the games that they lost.  I mean, what, is Cliff Lee pitching these games?

Ha ha ha.  No, he isn’t.  And I’m sorry for the insulting nature of my candor.  Let’s go!

As of 11/12:

Tommy Joseph:  45 AB, .178 BA, .425 OPS, 8 SO, 4 RBI

Cody Asche:  75 AB, .280 BA, .806 OPS, 21 H, 10 2B, 1 HR, 11 RBI

Zach Collier:  56 AB, .339 BA, .959 OPS, 19 H, 4 2B, 3 3B, 8 RBI

Kyle Simon:  12.0 IP, 9.00 ERA, 21 H, 12 ER, 8 K, 3 BB

Jay Johnson:  7.1 IP, 9.82 ERA, 8 ER, 13 K, 9 BB

Tyler Knigge:   10.o IP, 9.00 ERA, 13 H, 10 ER, 9 K, 5 BB

Colby Shreve:  10.0 IP, 4.50 ERA, 8 H, 5 ER, 6 K, 5 BB

Monday saw the first, that I’ve seen, instance of our three hitting prospects forming a consecutive 6-7-8, 3B-CF-C barrage in the lineup, and better yet, they all delivered!  Cody Asche led the charge with three hits, two doubles, two runs scored, and two RBI.  All Tommy Joseph and Zach Collier could do is try and garnish such a delectable performance, and managed to by each singling and RBI-ing, and Collier scoring again on a walk.  In total, the Phillies prospects were responsible for seven of the Javelinas’ 10 runs in a 10-7 victory over the Salt River Rafters.

The pitching was far less mentionable.  Tyler Knigge came in and registered a strikeout, a walk, and a three run blast to Salt River catcher Sean Ochinko, before being relieved by Jay Johnson, who proceeded to walk every single person on the earth (well, three).

Zach Collier got the only start (in left) on Tuesday, going 2-for-4 with a double and a run against Christian Yelich and the Phoenix Desert Dogs.  Once again, the Javelinas scored double digits in a 13-7 victory that featured zero other Phillies prospects so obviously isn’t really worth talking about.

Not yet satisfied by their bombastic offensive displays, Peoria continued their attack on Phoenix on Wednesday, laying an 8-0 humiliation on the Desert Dogs.  Cody Asche was 1-for-4 with an RBI (though he was the throw-um-out in a strike-um-out/throw-um-out DP in the first) and Jay Johnson put a merciful end on things by allowing a single hit in a scoreless ninth, bringing that pesky ERA down to 9.82.

Thursday saw another trifold appearance by the Phillies hitting trio, though they did go a combined 0-for-9.  But wait, don’t hurl your $35.99 Javelinas hat to the ground in disgust just yet!  They also combined for a total of seven walks.  The Javelinas as a team walked as many times as they had hits (11), which goes a long way in explaining the once again lopsided 12-4 victory over the Scottsdale Scorpions.  On the mound, Tyler Knigge threw up zeroes in an inning of relief, allowing a hit but nullifying it with an ice cold K.

Down 11-4 in the eighth inning on Friday, Peoria appeared to be suffering their first loss of the week.  A thunderous 4-run rally seemed to be a surprise comeback in the making, but to no avail, and the team was forced to walk away with an 11-8 loss to the Surprise Saguaros.  Asche went 1-for-4 with a double, two runs scored, and another walk, while Collier, starting in center, went a pulse-pounding 3-for-3 with two singles and a double… and a walk.

Saturday was another 11-8 loss, this time to the Mesa Solar Sox, and probably because Asche and Collier were kept out of the lineup, though Asche was dealing with some personal issues.

Very confused.. Clouds and raindrops here in AZ.. Also saw a double rainbow today.

— Cody Asche (@cody_smasche) November 9, 2012

Tommy Joseph got a shot, though, and went 2-for-5 with an RBI, bumping that batting average up to the .178 it sits at today.  Once more, no Phillies pitchers were permitted to touch the ball, out of probably exhaustion and the fact that they seem to give up many, many runs and walks when they do.

Hey, look, pull back the curtains–it’s still fall.  I know, I know; it seems like it’s been weeks since this whole mess started and, really, trees?  How are there more leaves?  How do you as an organism have so much reproductive seed?  It’s absurd.  Why aren’t we more worried about the trees, man?  They’re everywhere and if my grade school understanding of how trees work is any indication, there’s more of them every day.

Fortunately, where the prospects are, they don’t have trees.  They have cacti.  Which are way better.

Hey, look at these numbers!

As of 10/30:

Cody Asche:  47 AB, 13 H, 5 2B, 1 HR, 7 RBI, .277/.327/.447

Tommy Joseph:  22 AB, 3 H, 2 R, 1 RBI, .136/.269/.136

Zach Collier:  35 AB, 12 H, 2 2B, 2 3B, 5 RBI, .343/.400/.514

Kyle Simon:  9.0 IP, 15 H, 11 R, 9 ER, 5 K, 9.00 ERA

Jay Johnson:  4.1 IP, 10 H, 8 ER, 9 K, 5 BB, 16.62 ERA

Tyler Knigge:  6.1 IP, 8 H, 5 ER, 7 K, 4 BB, 7.11 ERA

Colby Shreve:  8.2 IP, 6 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 5 K, 2.08 ERA

The week started strong for the Javelinas–fun fact, javelinas are also known as “skunk pigs”–who shut out the Surprise Saguaros, 3-0.  Cody Asche started at third but was invisible nearly the entire time.  Zach Collier took on left field duties and went 1-for-2 with a double and scored a third of the team’s runs.  But the most critical performance went to Kyle Simon, whose ERA finally took a downward spiral after spending the majority of autumn in the stratosphere.  His three scoreless innings with three K’s and only two hits allowed not only gave him his first win, but got his ERA to settle at slightly above 11.  Colby Shreve hopped in in the seventh and threw his own series of zeroes.

Tuesday’s 7-2 win over the Scottsdale Scorpions was brought to you mostly by starting centerfielder Zach Collier, who got out of bed that morning with the intention of brutalizing someone.  To the glee of the Peoria Major Crimes Unit, he chose to do so through the avenue of Arizona Fall League baseball and not grisly crimes.  Going 3-for-5, Zach started the day off with a single, then had to jog off the field with blood in his mouth after being stranded on third.  Next time up, he reached on a fielding error by Scottsdale shortstop Gift Ngoepe, a name too interesting to not mention no matter how irrelevant it is.  Again he was left at third.  This time, he got himself to third by his own power, tripling in a run and then getting knocked in himself.  The run scoring allowed for a necessary pressure release, as Zach would single again in his final at-bat but wind up a part of somebody else’s messy double play.

Elsewhere, Cody Asche singled and scored, but K’d twice, while Tyler Knigge and Jay Johnson teamed up for two innings, two strikeouts, two walks, and three hits–but nary a run between them.

All the noise Tuesday was replaced by a desolate silence in Wednesday’s game, save the quiet slap ofball against mitt as Colby Shreve pitched a shutout fifth inning.  He got out just before teammate Caleb Thielbar nearly gave up the lead with a 4-run sixth innings meltdown.  Slick work, Colby.

Onward to Thursday, a day on which the Javelinas notched a devastating comeback win over the Mesa Solar Sox.  After four innings of zero-run ball, Mesa ticked a run across the board in the fifth and quietly celebrated in the dugout.  In this game, a one run outburst would surely be enough to silence the oh my god the Javelinas just scored eight runs at the end of the game well maybe we can launch a powerful offensive of our own whew there’s another single run maybe that will be enough to well darn the game is over and we have lost 8-2.  Zach Collier finished his outfield trifecta for the week, starting in right this time, and going 0-for-2 with three walks.  Cody Asche singled and doubled during one of the late inning scoring frenzies, pocketing an RBI while he was at it.

Friday was our first Tommy Joseph sighting for the week, a mostly forgettable adventure opposite the Salt River Rafters in which he got on base by dribbling to the pitcher once, and scored on a subsequent double.  But the majority of his day was spent grounding out sharply to third or lining into a double play.  Zach Collier doubled and singled again, while Cody Asche walked and scored, proving definitively that none of our prospects can be outwardly productive on the same day.

Speaking of which, the Dusty Wathan couldn’t put in a pitcher for a shutdown inning on Friday without having the guy after him give up least two runs.  Jay Johnson and Tyler Knigge were not immune to this weird virus; Johnson with the unfortunate 0.2 innings that contributed to an 8-7 loss before tagging out and letting Knigge step in to throw the next 1.1 without allowing anything more than a single hit.