Is there no end to the Philadelphia Phillies‘ insults toward the New York Mets?  –Adam Rubin, ESPN NewYork

Ha, ha.  Of course not.  Hell, I’ll insult them right now:  You suck, Mets.  Your helmets are too big and Jeff Francoeur is a shit-eating crybaby.  He’s probably crying right now.  Why?  I don’t know.  Because somebody cut in front of him in line at the ice cream truck, probably.  It doesn’t take much.

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One of those homes belongs to the Los Angeles Dodgers, a team whose Winter Meetings playbook is based around “Point at George Sherrill.”

This is off topic, but he looks like he's got Winnie the Pooh's body here.

I’m sure the Dodgers would love to hold onto George Sherrill. I mean, sure, after the NLCS they probably wanted to sneak into his room and flog him with a sock full of batteries.  But he’s a 2008 All-Star who, until this past season’s trade deadline, was pitching on the losing end of the perpetual AL East warzone.

But I don’t want to wake you up in the morning, screaming, waving my arms, and hurling pitcher’s names at you without mercy.  These past few days  it’s just been a bombardment of speculation regarding the Phillies bullpen while you conduct your morning routine.

“Ah, good morning worl”–J.J. PUTZ!

“Is the coffee re”–BRANDON LYON!!!!

“I am so late for wor”–JOHN SMOLTZ!!!!#!@@*!!)@!

“I wonder what’s new with the Phil”–!!!!GEORGE SHERRILL AAAHAHAHAAaaaaaa…!

So while the Sherrill story can be filed away for now as “just talk,” it is worth mentioning that the Dodgers are trying extra hard to push him out of their tree.  This is because, and I hope you’re sitting down:  The Dodgers don’t have any money.

Clearly an issue for any major league baseball team, except the Yankees, the Dodgers want to cut corners, and that corner’s name is George Sherrill.  They’ve got a few pitching prospects over there who are getting some GMs to strain their necks out west and have a peak, but apparently, every time somebody shows up with interest in one of these younger relievers, the Dodgers simply grab them by the shoulders and point them in Sherrill’s direction.

His contract goes through 2011, his numbers are ravishing (3.02 ERA, 119 K’s in 122.1 IP), and our bullpen is what exactly, right now?  Ryan Madson, three guys who’ve been under the knife, and an old tire?

Of course he’d be good for the bullpen… so would any of those guys I was screaming about earlier.

The Dodgers want a starting pitcher, though.  I forgot about that.  Uh, I don’t know.  Kendrick?  Yeah, that sounds fair.  George Sherrill for Kyle Kendrick.  I’d do that.  If I were the Dodgers.  No doubt.

Being a GM must be so easy!

Pedro hijacks another press conference with disturbingly open commentary and bizarre hand signals.

Speaking of… poorly conceived transitions, here’s a twist:  Pedro Martinez wants to stay a Phillie.

Ruben Amaro must be a fantastic break-up artist.  He’s probably that guy with all of his ex-girlfriends in his phone, because he managed to split apart from them in such a perfect way that they still consider him a genuine friend.

So, when Ruben told Pedro, “Maybe, maybe not” at the end of 2009, he did it in a way that didn’t send Pedro sobbing into the comforting arms of another team.  There were simply bigger issues at hand to deal with before “What About Pedro?”

“More specifically, our need at third base and in our bullpen,” Amaro said. “Those two areas are our priorities.”

Well, third base seems to be taken care of.  These Winter Meetings will probably have a few new names in the Phillies bullpen, with Amaro being the fast-working short order cook of the GM world that he is.  And then, eventually, he will owe Pedro a call.

Personally, I don’t see how Pedro fits in well with the Phillies plans for the rotation on 2010.

Charlie Manuel arrives at Yankee Stadium on a bus from 1959.

It’s World Series Eve.  The weather’s brewing up some trouble out there.

SOME STUFF THAT HAPPENED SINCE YESTERDAY

Pedro’s got the ball in Game 2.  A good choice; it shakes the pattern we’ve been following, where Cole starts the second game of a series.  Interesting to see us adopting the “adapt or die” strategy (the one I was suggesting during the “Regular Season Brad Lidge’s” reign of terror) now, but I welcome it.

Which is not to say I don’t expect big things from Cole in the World Series.  And it’s good to know the Yankees have a similar “will he or won’t he” starting pitcher in A.J. Burnett.

Speaking of A.J. Burnett, I hate A.J. Burnett.  I’d hate him even if we wasn’t a Yankee, and that’s saying a lot.  The guy gets so fussy and pissed off on the mound, blames his catcher, and screams “WHY?!  WHY?!” when he screws up.  Then, he’s the first guy to throw a pie when the Yankees do something good.

“Oh, look!  I’m the team clown!  Look how loose and fun I am!”

“Damn, I blew the game.  I’m so dark and brooding though; so intense, that you can tell I feel bad enough about it already.”

Pick a personality, A.J.  But don’t bounce around emotionally like you’re having an onset of hormones.

Anyways, the Phils decided to bring back Brett Myers (speaking of whiny) and go with a 12-pitcher roster, dropping Miguel Cairo and the 0-5 horse he rode in on.

A good decision.  Like I said, it won’t hurt to have an extra pitcher, and if they have more confidence that he’s not going to break down and bleed all over the pitcher’s mound, then yeah, he should come.  He certainly deserves to play in the WS more than Miguel Cairo.  Who are you, Miguel Cairo?

Why is George Lopez Getting His Own Show?

"I put the 'comedian' in 'comedian.'"

Anybody whose been watching postseason baseball is well familiar with George Lopez announcing his new late night talk show that will be “different” because it has jokes and guests for him to talk to (???).  On these promos, he tells “jokes” that are so blatantly unfunny, you don’t even know they’re unfunny, because you don’t even know they are jokes.  Here are three of them:

“Do not adjust your television… to see the players, adjusting themselves.”

First of all, whose got the ability to “adjust” their TVs anymore?  Does George Lopez really think the majority of his audience has a set of rabbit ears on top of their televisions that they need to get up and move around and twist at funny angles?  Oh no, that’s right, because this year all televisions made the switch to digital and that’s god damn impossible.

Also, the punchline… where did that come from?!

INSIDE THE WRITER’S ROOM FOR ‘LOPEZ TONIGHT’:

George Lopez:  And then I say, “”Do not adjust your television… to see the players, adjusting themselves!”

Writer:  …yeah?  And then?

GL:  That’s it.

Writer:  I don’t get it.  What’s the joke there?

GL: (Giggling) Don’t you know what they’re adjusting?!

Writer:  Uh… yes?

GL: (Giggling)

“I’m throwing the only party that won’t give you a hangover!”

“Do you guys want to go to a party?  George Lopez will be there, and so will no alcohol, apparently!”

“No, man.  We don’t want to go that party.  That sounds terrible.”

“…….”

“Always be careful when you’re asking a girl to marry you on the jumbotron.  You don’t want her to turn to you in front of the entire stadium and say, ‘We need to talk.’”

No, George.  You wouldn’t want that.  It’d be awful.  Was that the joke?  Saying an undesirable thing for your girlfriend to do?  Boy, that wasn’t funny.  I didn’t even think it was supposed to funny.  I thought you were setting up, like, another joke. Why don’t we just list a bunch of things you wouldn’t want your girlfriend to do and see if any of those are funny?

• Steal your Xbox.
• Cheat on you.
• Murder you.
• Throw up all over your bed in the middle of the night.
• Date the killer from Saw previously.
• Be the killer from Saw.
• Set your mattress on fire and ride it down a hill into a children’s hospital.
• Cough up blood in your boss’s face and then ask for it back.

“George Lopez Tonight! Not jokes.  Just stuff.”