That Balls Outta Here » National League

Shane Victorino Describes Lead in All-Star Vote as “…good”

Justin Klugh — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 12:41:50 +0000

Shane Victorino wins most races because he is fast, willing to slap the ball out of a glove, and Hawaiian. But he’s finally found one competition that can’t be won by natural ability, borderline cheating, or regional heritage. No, this time, he’ll have to rely on his charisma, dedication, and Hawaiian-ness to come out a winner. So I guess I was wrong about “regional heritage.”

Even so, kids, remember–this is why it pays to be multi-talented. To win popularity contests. (more…)

Carlos Ruiz is Your 17th Runner-up for NL MVP

Justin Klugh — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 06:36:10 +0000

16 places ahead of Chooch was Cincinnati Red and Etobicokean Joey Votto, who apparently did some things of merit in the National League this season. (more…)

And Then It Happened: The 2010 All-Star Game

Justin Klugh — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 04:46:32 +0000

They said it would be a pitcher’s duel. But, instead of two aces at the tops of their game; painting the corner, slamming the door, going blow for blow as they turn each other’s lineups into casualties of a vicious shootout… it was more like two barbarian hordes, stumbling upon each other in the woods.

Bloodstained, antique blades in their hands, a quiet moment of awkward realization passed between them before a savage display of gutteral violence exploded, splattering guts and splintering bones as woodland creatures flee for their lives, sobbing for a time when these woods were a peaceful place.

This is what baseball is all about.

They blew through the first five innings in the time it took for me to turn on the TV and blink.

Then, some of the FOX producers radioed down to the dugouts to let them know there was a host of Taco Bell ads left to play, and if they wanted to have an All-Star game next year, they better tell the pitchers to throw to first and the batters to step out of the box and Tim McCarver to do that thing where words come out of his mouth but all anybody hears is wrongly-ordered stories about nothing.

(more…)