If not, you could always just become left handed.  That’s a ticket into the Phillies bullpen regardless; they’ll sort out the details of your pitching ability at a later time.

That’s how Raul Valdes is getting there this season.  The 33-year-old man with a left hand was recently offered a minor league contract and an invitation to Spring Training, which probably comes on sharp red stationary and features the Phanatic doing a cartwheel while shouting “YOU’RE INVITED!!”  Just like in my sleepless dreams. (more…)

Fortunately, both stories end the same way.

Just as Cliff Lee was returned to us safe and sound from the AL West, Pete Orr has resurfaced as one of the Phillies’ first minor league contracts of the offseason.  The weirdly fast infielder will be around to step in should one of the better, more popular players step on a LEGO or have a baby or something. (more…)

The Phillies have a long history of drafting young talent from the bouncing green hills of the surrounding Philadelphia countryside.  For instance, last year’s Jesse Biddle.  And others.

This year, however, they snatched a 6′ 5″ giant  named Larry Greene from Georgia, which we can only assume is a slight to the Braves.  MLB analysts said Larry was “The best high school power in the draft” and that he has “experience emotion,” two things that will play very well in Philadelphia.   (more…)