That Balls Outta Here » lineup

Charlie Manuel Initiates Public Plea for Right-Handed Batter

Justin Klugh — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 14:00:43 +0000

It seems as though Charlie Manuel has pulled the plug on the Ben Francisco Experiment, which has been churning out hideous creatures since about May, when the laboratory was almost destroyed by a manic frenzy of fly outs, pop-ups, and weak grounders. Or however this stupid metaphor was supposed to go. Just imagine I’d written something that made you nod and go, “Hmm, yes, that’s funny and intelligent,” and we’ll move on. (more…)

Your Denial Will be Unnecessary as Shane Victorino is Just Fine

Justin Klugh — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 17:40:32 +0000

When the game starts in five minutes, Michael Martinez is leading off. Where is Shane Victorino, you may ask? He’s gone. They came back to the clubhouse last night and his packed bags were by the door.

“I’m leaving,” he said. ”I can’t drag this out anymore.”

“Fine, whatever,” said the Phillies, pouring themselves a drink. They’d crammed all their feelings into a whiskey bottle years ago.

“Don’t you have anything to say to me?”

The Phillies sipped quietly from their glass and stared daggers down the side. ”You know where the door is. You’ve been looking at it for months.”

Shane shook his head and grabbed his luggage. ”Unbelievable. I hope you and your rampaging alcoholism are happy together.”

“Oh, WE WILL BE!” the Phillies shrieked, flipping over the mini bar. But when they looked to up to witness Shane’s reaction, he was gone. Just the quiet sound of the clubhouse door wagging back and forth had remained behind.

The Phillies eyed the mess on the floor. Someone was going to have to clean this up. They picked up the phone and dialed an unfamiliar number.

“Hello, Michael? Sorry its so late. But today’s your lucky day.”

In other news, Shane Victorino’s calf felt weird so he’s out today. He says he expects to be back Tuesday, but it could be an “irritated nerve,” and who the hell knows what that is, so we’ll see.

Finally, Your Stupid 2010 TBOH NLDS Preview

Justin Klugh — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 18:13:15 +0000

The playoffs require those of us who may be distracted by video games or birds that make weird noises (It was like a “Ha-flonnnk“) to cast out our demon thoughts and provide much more observant, thoughtful analysts. Here, I’ve compiled some notions for all of us to enjoy as a pre-NLDS appetizer. Feast your eyes upon the collective work of my last 20 minutes or so.

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