He's making that shaving cream handsome, somehow.

I was watching “The Chase Rolls On” tonight. Topics included Charlie Manuel’s made up language, Chase’s boring life, and abusing childhood friends with a whiffle ball.

First of all, the title.  It’s stupid.  ”The Chase Goes On,” “Chase-ing History”… these are all better.  You’re not even rhyming or changing anything; his name is a word that fits perfectly in with some punny phrase. Chase Utley isn’t known for “rolling” places and an actual “chase” doesn’t necessarily involve rolling either.  CSN is really reaching to break away from the pack, as usual, and coming across as awkward or confusing.  As usual.

Basically, you were watching Tom McCarthy jerk Chase off for 20 minutes.  The first 10 were Leslie Gudel doing the same thing, but to Tom’s credit, he was at least looking him in the eye while he did it.

“Don’t You Just Love Chase Utley?” would have also been a totally appropriate title.

If you’re losing sleep over how close we are to baseball season, I’d seek out the 30 minute interview; otherwise, it’s a totally missable special that tells you everything you’d expect.  This isn’t hard hitting journalism we’re talking about; McCarthy doesn’t grill our boy about human genocide or even steroids.  He does hit him with a “What are you favorite things to do” curveball, but then broadens it with “during or not during the season,” as if Chase would have had wildly varying responses.

And, of course, his answer to both was pretty much just “baseball.”

Separate from Comcast Sportsnet, Chase is being handed some more compliments, this time by FoxSports’ Ken Rosenthal.  Somehow, he’s gotten “more athletic,” which really, at this point, is terrifying.  This is due to the two tenths of a second he took off his 30-yard dash, thanks to some sort of Chase Utley-oriented workout program he started in SoCal over the offseason.

Keep in mind we’re talking about a guy who was 23 for 23 in stolen base attempts last season.  So, you know.  Clearly, it was a part of a game in need of improvement. One of the perfect parts.

…

Chase Utley is so good at baseball.