Like I have to tell you what they actually have in common. (more…)

To say the Phillies are “literally” sacrificing the possibly brilliant future of J.A. Happ, Vance Worley, and/or other(s) is impossible.  We can’t no anything “literally” because we’re talking about the future.  The best idea here is, if indeed this trade goes down, to delve into “Cliff Lee-trade” mode, where we just go numb and accept that a superior arm is calling Philly home, while yes, what we’re sending away could have been pretty important, too.

That’s what I’ll be doing, anyway.

Roy Oswalt, not officially a Philadelphia Phillie, is already receiving the welcome customary for those who are new in town, but are lukewarm about being here.

Aside from the chopped prospects, what else is there to dread?  Did we give up our chance at Cliff Lee in the offseason, inadvertently sending him to the Yankees?  Uh, yeah.  Probably.

But here’s the thing, and there’s really no getting around this:  You can’t win a bidding war against the Yankees.  Sure, Philly may have bee the choice in his heart, but New York’s the choice of his wallet, and in the end, the Yankees, as we all know, devour human hearts and puke on human souls.  Cliff will look atrocious in Yankee pinstripes, but he is a casualty of the largest mistake in recent Phillies history.

Key word being “history.”  Can’t escape it now.

So we hemorrhage the future to snag another ace for the rotation.  It’s not the worst thing in the world.  It certainly doesn’t deserve to be lambasted to all hell.  Frankly, I think its incredible we have any prospects to hand over at this point, and now our rotation houses three legitimate aces.  Yeah, Oswalt’s injury prone and may not gel with the abrasive fanbase.

But it could be worse. We could be putting our faith in... "magic."

Well.  To distract you from any trade hangovers, here’s an article about how Jim Bunning thinks Stephen Strasburg is a total pansy.

Thanks for offering more perspective, Jimmy.  You so crazy.  Literally.

Former Phillies with their numbers retired have a problem:  They keep being crazy.  Jim Bunning won’t stop breaking the government with old people-isms.  Chuck Klein died from what has only ever been known as “undisclosed causes.” Steve Carlton stopped celebrating his birthday and Christmas because he thought it would stop the aging process (and boy, was that just the tip of the iceberg for him).

So you’ve got to wonder what Mike Schmidt’s angle is when he starts seeking out an “expanded role” with the Phillies organization.  Because I’ve got to warn you Mike, I was an employee at Citizens Bank Park for a few months, and when you’re standing there, arms full of Shane Victorino memorabilia, screaming at the kids in front of you for understanding how a “line” works, while your boss patrols the stadium wondering why the hell you aren’t doing the job you’ve been hired to do, the “employee discount” doesn’t really factor in as an effective counter weight.

Another curly-cued reflection of Philadelphia baseball's golden age. (Image courtesy of citypaper.net)

Schmidt’s had a “guest instructor” position with the Phils at Spring Training for the past few years, which is, I guess, the position from which he’d like to “expand.”  ”I’m so glad the organization welcomes me back,“ he says, as if somebody found a bloated Phillie Phanatic corpse in his bathtub ten years ago or something.

Its Philadelphia, and you’re Mike Schmidt.  I’m pretty sure you could hogtie Charlie Manuel and, with a giant fake mustache, try to steal his identity, and people would be cool with it.  And Charlie doesn’t even have a mustache.

Though this makes sense.  I was wondering who the third voice in the booth was yesterday as I drifted in and out of consciousness during the Phils-Rays game.  It wasn’t Tom MacCarthy, and it wasn’t making my brain curdle, so it wasn’t Gary Matthews, either.

So Schmidt had hopped in the booth (and at one point called Joe Maddon out for one of those god damn weird Joe Maddon play calls, like “Oh, how about a sac bunt with runner in scoring position, no outs, and our best hitter at the plate?  I’m a baseball man”), though I’m not positive if that’s the job he’s looking for.

Maybe he’s just Goldilocks-ing the organization, trying everything out to see where he’d fit in–He’s been in the booth, he’s coached the Threshers, he’s done this guest instructor thing (Which, even if you didn’t have a real interest in a coaching job, but were given the chance to fly down to Clearwater every spring to talk baseball at a bunch of young’ns who will literally do anything you say, its a no-brainer that you’re sitting on the plane).

Though the answer seems kind of obvious.