South Jersey Writer is Truly Horrified of Phillies’ Future
The Phillies are old! The Phillies are injured! The Phillies are ticking time bombs, about to spew incompetence and hand injuries all over the diamond! Global warming! Genocide! My parents bought…Read More
Placido Polanco Celebrates Week off DL with Possible DL trip
“As absurd as it might seem, it could be argued that Martinez represents an upgrade over the currently limited and injured Polanco, especially given his production, or lack thereof, since the start…Read More
Maybe Pretend to Care Joe Blanton Could be Out for the Season
“… it seems doubtful the veteran is going to have the time to return to starting-pitcher form this season even if his elbow recovers in time to avoid a collision-course with an operating table.” What…Read More
Philadelphia Succeeds in Voting Injured Player to All-Star Team
“Vote for me, Shane Victorino, for the All-Star team,” Shane told us, speaking directly into the camera. “Okay!” we shouted back at our televisions. Then, we ran to the internet,…Read More
Brian Schneider Hopefully Successful in Avoiding Insanity
“I’m here now to stay sane and run around and take batting practice and do whatever they need to see me do. I’m ready to get back out there.” Well, you heard him. Brian is spending…Read More
Brad Lidge Still Not Here, in Case You Noticed
Phillies pitcher Brad Lidge developed discomfort in his throwing elbow after a bullpen session on Monday…Read More
Jimmy Rollins Refuses to Provide Us Every F*cking Injury Detail We Want
Wilson Valdez celebrated his return to the Phillies lineup yesterday in place of “injured”…Read More
Chase Utley Being Sent Away to Live With Another Family
“It might be time to let him go somewhere, like Clearwater or something.” –Charlie…Read More
All of the Sudden Injured Phillies Are Doing Things
The Phillies have decided that Domonic Brown has been shattering the confidence of Single-A pitchers…Read More
Epidemic of Vague Mysterious Injuries Continues with Joe Blanton
From an outsider’s perspective, this year, the Phillies have gone from a franchise spending its…Read More
Nobody Should Vote for Chase Utley to Make the All-Star Team
Early reports indicate that despite being a despondent man in a windbreaker for most of the year, Chase…Read More
Ruben Amaro Provides Us with Further No Utley News
“I am hopeful. I don’t know if it’s going to happen, but I’m hopeful. I can…Read More
Jose Contreras is Also Now Dead
Jose Contreras and his strained flexor pronator tendon in his right elbow are joining Brad Lidge in closer-heaven. In…Read More
Oswalt Injured as Bullpen Coughs Up Lead
Bad bullpen. Inconsistent line-up. These are the two major concerns that have sent the baseball pundits…Read More
Chase Utley is Getting Better Seriously This Time
Or… is he… ? No. So, once again, I’ve been tricked by a headline; but I already clicked…Read More
Brad Lidge Still Okay, Understands Why You Asked
Is there a greater test of man than facing off against the brute force of the Pittsburgh Pirates minor…Read More
Who Knows What Brad Lidge’s “Bicep Soreness” Actually Is
So we discovered several days back that Ruben is celebrating his new deal with a healthy dosage of secrets…Read More
Chase Utley and Domonic Brown Soon to be Surgery Buddies
Does it even count as “baseball” if Chase Utley isn’t playing it? No. The answer…Read More
Chase Utley For Some Reason Not Healed Immediately
Ruben is telling us that he’s no going to so sorting through the scrap heap or leaving seductive…Read More
The Resume of Jamie Moyer
Apparently, it’s a recession, and that is why those of us who are unemployed are having a hard…Read More









