He has also turned into Richard Branson.

I want to say, I’m not making fun of Darren Daulton.  I like the guy.  I’m just… hmm.

You know how your neighbor, Old Man Tompkins, was a hard worker and a great provider in his day?  How he fought in some wars, made a lot of great friends, was probably a little bit of a ladies man, and knew how to have a good time?  But now that he’s in his underwear, screaming at a cat and agreeing with Bill O’Reilly, it’s a little hard to take him seriously?

Darren Daulton “has generated interest in metaphysics,” is just a nice way of saying, “Darren Daulton’s mind is gone; come to Mount Airy to hear him spout crazy shit in public!”  I mean, he’s more than likely pointing at a lizard in that picture and planning to buy it a drink later.

It’s just one of those things you have to say nicely, like “There were no survivors,” or “Pap-Pap, nobody in this Olive Garden wants to know your stance on same-sex marriage.”

Don’t get me wrong.  I want to go to this thing  just to be able to tell people I survived it.  As long as I only pretend to drink the punch at the end, it should be fine.  I just remember watching the ’93 season video retrospect, “Whatever it Takes,” and seeing Dutch take over as the team’s true leader, getting voted to the All-Star team, and generally being a respectable, well-rounded guy with a pretty hot wife.  And now he’s written a book that is A.) not about baseball B.) about metaphysics, pyramids, and being able to control the weather with his brain and C.) entitled “If They Only Knew.”

Let’s let Wikipedia fill in the holes: “He recently claimed in a televised interview with ESPN that he has ‘skipped through time’ and undergone ‘astral travel’ and will ‘blast into space.’”

Wow!  All Lenny Dykstra’s done since retirement is gone bankrupt.

If you don’t want to listen to a guy who has claimed all of the above things, and excelled at a professional sport, maybe you’re the crazy one.

…

Nope, you’re not.  It’s still Darren Daulton.

Oh, and watch Blood Equity if you have a spare hour and want to get really steamed about the treatment of ex-NFL players and/or watch Mike Ditka chomp cigars and get all Mike Ditka-ish.