That Balls Outta Here » Gary Matthews

Chris Wheeler Nomination for Ford C. Frick Award Apparently not Sarcastic

Justin Klugh — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 14:00:07 +0000

Phillies broadcast analyst Chris “Muffin” Wheeler has been nominated for the Hall of Fame’s coveted Ford C. Frick Award for announcing, along with former partner/chief antagonist to his career Richie Ashburn. Ashburn, beloved by fans for his uncensored candor, complete lack of patience, large blocks of silence for several innings at a time, and unbridled fury at the notion of a sacrifice bunt, passed away in 1998. (more…)

Phillies May Decide One Gary Matthews is Just Not Enough

Justin Klugh — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 16:55:31 +0000

When you hear Gary Matthews talking, he’s either getting you to buy hats, or making sure there’s not an iota of silence dwindling between Tom McCarthy-isms, or making some inadvertent, highly sexual remark. If only there was some sort of younger, more nimble version of him that could play baseball, cost the Angels millions of dollars while not playing for them, and be the source of blogosphere-wide lament.

There is?! GET HIM GET HIM GET HIM.

(more…)

Update Because I Stopped to Watch 20 Minutes of ESPN this Afternoon

Justin Klugh — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:41:41 +0000

Was anybody watching the Scott Van Pelt Show today? Van Pelt was talking about basketball… he kept saying “talkin’ hoops” like he’d just made it up… and suddenly they just lapsed into a phone interview from Cliff Lee? Like Cliff had just called ESPN for a totally different reason and they asked if they could patch him through to Van Pelt’s studio. It was weird.

Anyways, Cliff says Seattle is a death camp and he longs for the sweet, tasteful, toxic breaths of Philadelphia’s oxygen. No… no, he didn’t. He said he was fine. He said he had moved on.

Of cou… course he has… Why would he wait around for…

*gentle sobbing*

“There’s no given that if I pitch in the playoffs again, that I’ll be that good.”

See, Phillies fans? Cliff Lee doesn’t even plan on being good in the playoffs, ever again. Thank god.

Meanwhile, oooooooh-h-h-h-ooooo my god, did you see Tommy Hanson’s slider drop the fuck out of the way of those Mets bats? And I spelled “Oh” like that because it was my totally audible reaction (in my living room, by myself) to seeing the first Grapefruit League game highlights today between the Braves and Mets, and then to said Tommy Hanson death-pitch from hell.

Gary Matthews, Jr., however, grounded into a double play to end an inning. Thankfully for the Mets, the Angels are footing most of that bill.

“Matthews says he is a natural to bat leadoff.”

–New York Post

Ah ha, ha. Settle down.

Also, I kept cringing for the moment Cliff Lee would tell Scott Van Pelt that he looked forward to a long future of worshiping Howard Stern’s prostate.